Ron Artest has his career stats shaved into his chest hair

From the Wait 'til this Year Humor Vault


HOUSTON--In one of the more disturbing sports stories of the year, it has been discovered that Ron Artest has shaved his career statistics into his chest hair (he updates them once a year). Artest is well-known for the elaborate designs shaved on his head, but this development left fans across the country shocked and dismayed.

"Oh c'mon, man!" said Rockets fan Adam Janssen when shown a picture of Artest's chest. "Not cool."

Upon seeing the same image, fan Stacy Porter jumped back in horror, then shook her head and continually repeated the question uttered by most observers: Why?

Rockets Coach Rick Adelman wanted nothing less than to ponder the reasons for Artest's grooming decisions. "I've seen what he's done to his head," Adelman said. "And now, unfortunately, I've seen what he's done to his chest. I'll be praying tonight that I never have to see anything below that."

Houston Rockets keep getting injured in order to spend time with "super hot" trainer

From the Wait 'til this Year Humor Vault

HOUSTON--It was discovered Sunday that the Houston Rockets have an athletic trainer who has been described as "super hot," "a definite 10," and "practically a super model," which helps explain the many injuries to Rockets players this season.

Tracy McGrady went down for the season in February, and Ron Artest, Shane Battier, Yao Ming, Luther Head and others have all missed time due to injuries as well. While fans thought it was simply a rash of bad luck, it turns out Houston players will do almost anything to miss a game, as it provides them the opportunity to spend time with the team's beautiful trainer, Nicole Mangiardi.

"You caught us," said a smiling McGrady as Mangiardi assisted him with his rehabilitation from knee surgery. "But can you blame us?"

Seven Rockets players were lined up behind McGrady in the trainer's room, and two Portland Trailblazers had earlier been turned away and told to go to their own trainer's room.