Seriously, the Cubs signed Todd Wellemeyer. The Cubs drafted him in 2000 and even though he didn't make it to the majors until 2003, he has already managed to pitch poorly for five different MLB teams. Even Dave Duncan could only get him to be good for one out of three seasons in St. Louis.
No worries, though: it's actually just a minor league deal. Besides, he won the World Series with the Giants last year! (I mean he didn't literally win it. He didn't actually pitch in the playoffs, but he was totally in the dugout!)
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