Humor Vault Headlines

Turns out Bruce Pearl has just the one orange sportcoat, smells terrible

Favre announces retirement, winks, has 2011 training camp dates in iPhone calendar

Joakim Noah confident wrist is finally healthy enough for him to jump around, make ass of himself

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East Carolina disappointed by selection to new ShittyFootballTeams.com Bowl

Cam Newton on winning the Heisman: "I'd rather have the money"

Jon Gruden finally goes too far, says backup Dan Orlovsky is greatest QB of all time

Humor Vault Headlines

TCU vaults into second in BCS. In related story, NCAA announces championship game will now be #1 vs. #3

Jimmie Johnson, like, wins a race or something

Department of Bad Puns releases statement: "Michael Vick really taking a bite out of the competition, not dogging it out there."

Before Turkey Day game, Lions owner says he "honestly can't think of anything" he's thankful for

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In ill-conceived Rookie of the Year sequel, Henry Rowengartner struggles mightily, gets cut from team, falls into downward spiral of drugs and alcohol

Chad Ochocinco actually just a really normal guy, say teammates while Chad Ochocinco is within earshot

Redskins give Rex Grossman 10-year, $150 million deal

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In game played in London, Broncos and Niners called for a shitload of hand balls

Robot from Fox's NFL telecasts escapes, kills seven

Fearful of a fine or suspension, Brian Urlacher uses bye week to practice new gentle, more tender form of tackling

Humor Vault Headlines

Cliff Lee on MLB playoffs' low TV ratings: "That Vikings-Packers game was awesome."

Alex Smith discovers he's a really terrible quarterback by playing as the 49ers in Madden '11

Mike Quade on being named Cubs manager: "Who's Mike Quade?"

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Yankees and Rays finally finish thrilling race to see who could make Red Sox feel worse about themselves

New ESPN4.com to show nothing but Dick Vitale, Herm Edwards and Chris Berman yelling at each other

Cincinnati Reds players forced to attend three-hour seminar on how playoffs work

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Pittsburgh Pirates player knows deep down that he's not a loser, doesn't care what that fan in the second row keeps saying

Pete Carroll really proud of himself for not yet incurring any recruiting violations with Seahawks

Raiders players shocked to discover last week's game was not part of the preseason

Humor Vault Headlines

Ray Lewis says he's ready to kill the competition in 2010. Er, he means, beat them. You know, at football.

Tulane #1 in preseason poll of Tulane students

With boldest prediction yet, Michael Irvin predicts that every NFL team will go 8-8.

Humor Vault Headlines

Al Davis says this very well could be his last century as Raiders owner

Umpire can't wait to call crazy-ass strike zone tonight

Kurt Warner considers coming out of retirement but suddenly remembers he's not a douchebag like Brett Favre

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Tim Tebow can't wait to get on the field and see if God loves the Broncos as much as the Gators

"I'll just go ahead and beat the crap out of myself," says Bears fan to friends after taking Brett Favre in fantasy football draft

Recently traded Lance Berkman refuses to stop wearing his "lucky" Astros jersey

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Albert Pujols, Tom Brady take less money to sign with Miami Heat

Struggling Lance Armstrong: "See what happens when I'm not on steroids? Er, I mean, how 'bout this weather we're having?"

Brett Favre throws elaborate retirement party at which he announces return to Minnesota Vikings

Unicyclist in last again at Tour de France

Humor Vault Headlines

Rangers President Nolan Ryan critical of team's lack of no-hitters

Sports Illustrated puts all 32 NFL teams on cover just to see what happens when they jinx everyone

Albert Pujols gives stern lecture to a baseball after it doesn't go as far as he told it to

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NHL veteran Nicklas Lidstrom admits he still has no idea what icing is

MLB draft gets great reviews from both viewers

North Korea excited to kill every team in their way play in World Cup

Adam Morrison’s mustache successfully distracts Celtics in Game 3