Wednesday, December 22, 2010

After Peterson and Favre get subtracted, Bears add a win and claim division

'Twas five days before Christmas, they were playing outdoors,
But not a Viking was stirring, not even Ol' #4,
Hester and Cutler got the Bears a big win,
And everyone hoped Favre would never be seen again

Merry Christmas to Bears fans! Wow, Santa! I mean, all I expected was maybe a new hat or a video game, but all THIS?!

Let's see what's in my stocking ... whoa, three touchdowns from Jay Cutler? That's nice. That's really nice. Wait, what's this one sort of hidden at the bottom? Wow, five turnovers! This is fantastic!

Okay I wanna open this little one over here under the tree. Oh my gosh. No way. Devin Hester's record-breaking punt return for a touchdown? Santa, you're really gettin' after it this year. Can I open this one over here now? Oh come on. This is too much. Brett Favre decided to play at the last minute but then the Bears f--king steamrolled him and he laid on the turf seemingly lifeless before coming out of possibly his last game ever with a head injury? F--king SWEET, Santa! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED! It's like you had access to the Christmas list IN MY BRAIN. That image where Favre is apparently comatose on the turf with several Bears peering down at his decrepit body will literally get me through the next 7-8 months of my life. By that I mean anything, literally anything terrible could happen to me but I will still wake up each morning with a huge grin on my face because I will have mental access to that image. That play was a Christmas miracle.

What's that? There's one more present but you have to go get out of the garage cuz it's so big? Oh man, is this going to be what I think it is? Holy crap, IT IS. An NFC North title after just 14 games. I can't believe it. This is ... man, I'm all choked up ... this is the best Christmas EVER. Where did you get this? Back in August, I didn't even think they made these any more! You and baby Jesus really did it up right this year, Santa.

For much of the season, the Bears and Packers jostled back and forth,
But 'twas a Monday night victory gave the Bears the NFC North,
Could it be like '85, could it be like '06?
Might we see a Super Bowl Shuffle remix?
Cutler's playing well, Devin Hester's ridiculous,
In the backfield, Bears defenders are ubiquitous,
The season's not over, for the two seed's still in sight,
But either way the Bears are in the playoffs, so all is right

1 comment:

  1. Yes Virginia, there IS a Santa Claus! I believe ... I believe...