Tuesday, January 4, 2011
From the Wait 'til this Year Humor Vault
It was a long, depressing season for the NFL's NFC West division: all four of its teams were outscored on the season and the Seahawks won the division despite a sub-par 7-9 record. The year of struggles apparently led the division to hit the sauce pretty hard on New Year's Eve, and sources report that a highly intoxicated NFC West acted quite foolishly on December 31 and made just one drunken resolution: to be much better in 2011.
"I'm gonna ... lisssen to me ... I'm gonna be better," he whispered to the AFC North while standing much closer than necessary. "You watch. You watch."
The NFC West was reportedly badgering the NFC East all night, trying to negotiate a trade of teams so that the Eagles--a perennially strong team--could join the West.
"Hey you. Hey you!" he said, wobbly, but somehow still on his feet. "Kin we have th' Eagles? Heydidyouhearme can we have the Eagles?? That would be sooo awesome. Man I love the Eagles."
The NFC East sought refuge in the family room, but the NFC West found him again later in the night.
"I'll give you the Cardinals, man," he whispered, his eyes barely open. "They gotta go, man. They suck. F--k them, man."
NFC West's friends say that it wasn't just New Year's Eve--that he's been drinking a lot for the past year or so. They say they'd love to help him but feel he's beyond help at this point, plus he lives way out on the West Coast which is just so far away.