NFL Visions, Part 2

THINGS ARE LOOKING BLURRY

Dallas Cowboys, 4-8

Things aren't blurry for this season--the Cowboys are toast. But things are blurry in general. Will Jason Garrett return? (Probably.) Is Romo really the answer at QB? Can the Cowboys win with Jerry Jones running the show? Romo's injury makes for a convenient excuse for this year, but this team has been struggling to find its way for a decade now.

Indianapolis Colts, 6-6

It's been a long time since you could say the Colts' fortunes were blurry. But injuries to receivers and (of course) Bob Sanders have exposed a lack of depth, and with two more interceptions Manning will have his highest total since 2002. His QB rating is just 16th in the NFL. Not this Sunday but next, the Colts will have a revenge game against Jacksonville, and it appears to be a must-win game if the Colts want to make the playoffs for the ninth straight year.

Tampa Bay Buccaneers, 7-5

Back-to-back losses have essentially knocked them out of the divisional race, but they remain just one game back in the Wild Card chase. With games against the Redskins, Lions and Seahawks on the horizon, they're not out of it yet.

DON'T LOOK AT ME I'M HIDEOUS

Cincinnati Bengals, 2-10

Seriously, what is going on in Cincinnati? Turns out the T Ocho show is awful, but I'm not talking about what airs on Versus. The Bengals have a lame duck coach, a lame quarterback, and they lost on Sunday when they were drawn offsides even though THAT'S ALL THE SAINTS WERE TRYING TO DO. This is perhaps the one thing I could execute successfully if I played in the NFL: line up on the defensive line knowing the opposing quarterback is just going to

shout some sh-t out, and just don't move. It's entirely possible that the offensive lineman would look at me with angry eyes and say something mean-spirited and I would either sh-t my pants, which would certainly get me removed from the remainder of the game but I would still have executed my duty on that particular play; or I might turn around and run away from said lineman, but that too would not result in an offsides penalty. Yeah, I could totally execute that play.

Washington Redskins, 5-7

They're not actually THAT bad, but they have no running game. And they don't have any receivers who can catch. And Donovan McNabb is pretty terrible--the Redskins are definitely going to regret that five-year deal in about, oh, a year-and-a-half. Oh, and their defense isn't very good. It really pisses me off that the Bears lost to this team.

Detroit Lions, 2-10

Suh is awesome, and yeah, Stafford's been injured most of the year. But competitive or not, two wins is still two wins. Which is how many they had last season. Until they finish a few games with more points than the other team, they suck.

Denver Broncos, 3-9

Only Dallas and Arizona give up more points than they do. They're 1-5 on the road and have the fourth-worst point differential in the NFL. Things are so bad that Josh McDaniels done got himself fired on Monday, meaning this organization is clearly lost.

NFL Visions, Part 1

THINGS ARE LOOKING UP

New York Jets, 5-1
Apparently LaDanian Tomlinson is not done playing football--he's averaging 5.3 yards per carry and is clearly Running Back Numero Uno in New York. Having lost 10-9 in Week 1 against Baltimore, they're two points away from a 6-0 record.

Philadelphia Eagles, 4-2
It's hard to have a quarterback controversy when one guy (Vick) has a QB rating of 108 and the other guy (Kolb) has thrown for 201, 253 and 326 yards in the last three games. Now comes the tough part: at Tennessee and then home against Indy.

Parity
Mercury Morris and the '72 Dolphins got to celebrate extremely early this season, in Week 5. It's the first time since 1970 that no team made it to 4-0 to begin the season. In fact, there are only three one-loss teams remaining through six weeks. If you can tell me right now that you're sure of which teams will face off in the Super Bowl, then I can tell you you're a damned dirty liar. And I don't like to be lied to.

Baltimore Ravens, 4-2
I know they lost to the Patriots this week, but their two losses on the season were by a combined eight points, both of them on the road. They've also defeated the Steelers, the Jets and Broncos. Their defense continues to be strong, and with their offense now coming around, things are looking up. So is their schedule: they get the Bills next week followed by a bye.

THINGS ARE LOOKING DOWN

Cincinnati Bengals, 2-3

After beating a strong Ravens teams and then defeating the Panthers comfortably, the 2-1 Bengals looked like they might have enough talent to make noise this season. So, naturally, they proceeded to lose to the Browns and the Buccaneers. How about a trip to Atlanta followed by games against Miami, Pittsburgh and Indianapolis to help you get better? No? You'd rather not? By the way, is it just me or have T.O. and Ochocinco been absurdly boring this season? They're actually doing pretty well, but why no crazy touchdown celebrations? Why no infighting? Why haven't either one of them drawn a felony charge yet? ENTERTAIN ME!

NFC North
The Bears sit at a respectable 4-2 after a bad loss, yet they still lead the Packers (3-3) and the Vikings (2-3). And of course the Lions aren't going to do anything to help the division's status. They appear to have eaten some bad cheese up in Green Bay--this team that was supposed to be 13-3 already has three losses? And though the Vikings got a much-needed win on Sunday, their offensive line still looks awful. The two underachieving teams will face off this Sunday night.

Denver Broncos, 2-4
I kind of lose track of the Broncos every week. What are those oxygen-deprived, neck-bearded crazies up to? Usually they're losing. Trying hard, it seems, but losing. But get this: the best teams they'll play between now and Week 16, based on current record, are the Chiefs and Cardinals, who are each 3-2. Seriously. Look at this schedule:

vs. Oakland
@ San Francisco
vs. Kansas City
@ San Diego
vs. St. Louis
@ Kansas City
@ Arizona
@ Oakland

How is that possible? The Broncos haven't looked all that great, but don't give up on them yet with that schedule, in that division.