NFL Visions, Part 2

THINGS ARE LOOKING BLURRY

Miami Dolphins, 4-4

Until their loss in Baltimore on Sunday, they were 4-0 on the road and 0-3 at home this season. If they could create any kind of home field advantage, they'd be in great shape right now. But so far, they've been the epitome of mediocrity: 13th in defense, 16th in offense. Their passing game has improved, but it's not a good sign that Ricky Williams and Ronnie Brown have combined for three rushing touchdowns on the year.

San Diego Chargers, 4-5

All of a sudden, narrow victories over the Titans and Texans have them showing signs of life. Plus they've reached their bye week and get the lowly Broncos at home in Week 11. On the other hand, they're still a game under .500, trail both the Raiders and Chiefs in their division, and have just the 12th-best record in a strong AFC.

DON'T LOOK AT ME I'M HIDEOUS

Dallas Cowboys, 1-7

I don't even have to say anything at this point. And that's awesome.

...

But I can't help it. Seriously, how are they so bad? They've allowed at least 35 points in each of their last three games! Aaron Rodgers was 27-for-34 with three scores. David Garrard lit 'em up for four touchdowns, as did Eli Manning. They're terrible at everything. Just awful. Usually I'm pissed that Detroit's on TV every Thanksgiving, but this year it's Dallas I have no interest in watching. BAD.

San Francisco 49ers, 2-6

They've won as many games in England as they have in America.

Aging veterans who will potentially be in the Hall of Fame one day

-Brett Favre's impressive comeback on Sunday notwithstanding, he has the 27th-best QB rating in the NFL this season and he seems on the verge of death every week. It ain't over yet, but it seems like he may have retired one year too late (assuming he even retires after this season).

-Randy Moss is on his third team and has fewer receiving yards than Jahvid Best, who's a running back. For the Lions. Moss isn't even the best Moss in the NFL this season--Santana Moss has easily outperformed him.

-Donovan McNabb has looked old at times despite being brought to the Redskins to inject some life into a subpar team. Despite not having been pronounced dead or at least horrifically injured, he was replaced in favor of Rex Grossman at the end of a winnable game against Detroit. If getting benched for Rex Grossman doesn't say "You're not having a great season," I don't know what does.

Buffalo Bills, 0-8 and Carolina Panthers, 1-7

Um ... what to say ... At least you're not the Cowboys!

NFL Visions, Part 1

THINGS ARE LOOKING UP

Oakland Raiders, 5-4

I thought they'd have a turnaround season heading into the year, then gave up on them quickly after losses to Arizona and San Fran left them at 2-4. But then they curbstomped the Broncos and Seahawks and pulled out an overtime victory over KC to pull to within a half-game of the Chiefs. Maybe Al Davis isn't crazy after all? ... No, Al Davis is crazy.

Cleveland Browns, 3-5

I'm not saying they're great, I'm just saying things are looking up. With their top two quarterbacks hurt, they turned to rookie Colt McCoy and he's led them to wins over the Saints and Patriots. And the games weren't even close. How crazy is that? Plus they get Jacksonville and Carolina after a match-up with the Jets.

Rookies

-Jahvid Best has slowed of late, but he's been solid for the Lions and had 88 all-purpose yar

ds against a good Jets defense on Sunday.

-Ndamukong Suh has 6.5 sacks and was the October Rookie of the Month.

-Dez Bryant has a lot of competition at the receiver position on the Cowboys, but he h

as over 400 yards and four touchdowns.

-Mike Williams has done even better for the Bucs with over 500 yards and five TDs.

-As noted above, Colt McCoy has defeated the Saints and Patriots in back-to-back games.

-Sam Bradford has had a relatively incredible first eight games, at least when you consi

der that he's a rookie QB. He's on pace for over 3,200 yards and 22 TDs, the latter being more t

han Schaub, Sanchez, Favre, Henne, McNabb, Cutler ... the list goes on. Matt Ryan's rookie season is considered one of the best ever, and he threw 16 TDs that year. Bradford has also shown incredible poise for a rookie--he has a 101.1 QB rating and zero interceptions on third down.

New York Giants, 6-2

All of a sudden they can't be stopped: they've reeled off five straight wins and are tied (with five other teams) for the best record in the NFL. They've scored at least 28 points in each of their last four games.

THINGS ARE LOOKING DOWN

Houston Texans, 4-4

If you want a quick score, you're better off playing the Texans than dating Kim Kardashian. (Burned!) But seriously, only three teams give up more points than they do, and their horrendous defense suddenly has them at .500 and tied for last in the AFC South. Okay, granted, they're only a game behind the Colts and Titans, but the Texans' porous secondary has the arrow pointing down in Houston.

Minnesota Vikings, 3-5

Favre finally broke into his bag of magic tricks on Sunday, leading his team back from 14 points down to beat the Cardinals. However, they still find themselves at 3-5, 2.5 back of the Pack. Their next two weeks should go a long way toward determining the final trajectory of their season--they visit the Bears and then have their second match-up against the Packers.

Seattle Seahawks, 4-4

Like the Texans, they're still at least treading water. But they've been outscored 74-10 the last two weeks and suffered their worst home loss since 2002 on Sunday. Suffice to say, things are not looking up. In fact, they kind of look like what you'd find in a diaper.

Week 9: A win is a win is a win

Bears 22, Bills 19

The final result of a football game doesn't always tell the whole story. After all, the Bills went to overtime against the Ravens and Chiefs in their last two games. They fought hard, showed grit. Sports radio callers probably had a few positive things to say after each loss.

But ultimately, football--and every other sport, for that matter--is about winning. Grit also had the Bills up 19-14 in the fourth quarter Sunday, but through nine weeks it's gotten them to an 0-8 record. No wins. Zero. And that's all that matters in the end.

On the other hand, an appropriate simile for the Bears' performance on Sunday would not be, say, that it looked like a beautiful work by Picasso, or that it was exquisite like a delicious meal at a fine steakhouse. But the Bears did just enough to win. It wasn't exactly a game you want to keep on your TiVo and re-watch later in the week, but they put up a "W" and that's the bottom line. Knowing they won by three doesn't tell you the whole story, but it does tell you all you really need to know--that the story has a happy ending.

Cutler at least had moments in which he looked like a decent quarterback. He was able to evade the pass rush a number of times, and in fact was sacked just once. He also used his feet to gain yardage, running for three different first downs after the pocket collapsed. Overall, he was a modest 17-for-30 for 188 yards and two TDs, further decreasing the Bears' rather paltry average of 202 passing yards per game. But the most important number on his line is the zero below the letters "I-N-T." He did fumble once, but at least he never gave Buffalo the ball through the air.

Ryan Fitzpatrick threw two picks, including one to seal the game, but carved up the Bears secondary for much of the game. He's been doing that to a lot of teams ever since he replaced Trent Edwards in Week 3. Against the Bears, he finished one yard shy of 300 on 51 pass attempts.

It's great that we can be happy about the Bears' fifth win of the season, because otherwise we could complain about the fact that they rushed for just over half the yardage Buffalo gives up on average, and the fact that they couldn't get just one tiny yard late in the fourth when it mattered most. Nope, don't have to complain about those things.

The Packers pasted the Cowboys, not surprisingly, keeping them atop the NFC North by a half-game over the Bears. Though when it comes to that game, I think everyone in America lost--the Packers have found a way to make it excusable for their fans to yell "COOOON" (their running back is named Kuhn) at the top of their lungs throughout the game. I hope you're proud of yourselves, Packers fans.

And now, for your viewing pleasure, a 307-pound man missing an extra point. Narrated by Gus Johnson.

Bears will try to keep Bills from getting their first win

I'm scared. So scared.

I'm scared because the Bears are playing the only remaining winless team in the NFL ... and I can't say I'm 100 percent sure they're going to win. The Bills took the Chiefs to overtime last week and the Ravens to OT the week before that. They put a scare into New England on the road and lost to Miami by five.

Meanwhile, the Bears offense has been in a downward spiral ever since Week 3. Plus, the Bills' most glaring weakness--their run defense--matches up with the Bears' biggest weakness--their ability to run the ball--so we'll have to wait and see if the Bears can take advantage in that area.

It goes without saying that this is a must-win. The Bears' schedule is backloaded worse than a Jim Hendry contract offer. This is one of the few "definitely could win it" games left on the schedule, and Lovie's squad absolutely has to leave Toronto at 5-3, or they can forget aboot the playoffs.

KEYS TO THE GAME

Commit to running the ball. Seriously. It's not even a question. The Bills give up 188 rushing yards per game. Next-worst in the league is Denver ... at 154. It's comical how bad the Bills' run defense is. If Martz puts the ball in Cutler's hands the entire game, he should be fired.

Don't let QB Fitzpatrick beat you with his feet. Despite not starting the first two games of the season, Fitzpatrick has the third-most rushing yards among quarterbacks. He doesn't quite require a QB spy, but the defense needs to keep containment on him whenever a play breaks down.

Maybe Cutler actually has a chance. Why do I say that? Because the Bills have just one interception all season. One. Every other team has at least four. Please, Jay, please keep this trend alive.

Lincecum leads San Fran to giant World Series victory

A few random thoughts on the Giants' first World Series championship since 1954, when they were the New York Giants:

1) There's something pleasant about the fact that the Giants never won it all with Barry Bonds, but won it three years after he retired.

2) Part of me wishes the Rangers had won just so Cliff Lee would have been more inclined to re-sign with them. Anything to keep him away from the Yankees.

3) An important lesson learned: Having a manager on coke can get you to the World Series, but that's it.

4) Has there ever been a World Series victory that brought this many castoffs redemption? Cody Ross was cut from the Marlins this year; Aubrey Huff was placed on waivers by the Orioles and went unsigned by the Tigers last year; Pat Burrell was released by the Rays and subsequently signed to a minor league contract by the Giants; the White Sox let Juan Uribe walk; and the Padres let manager Bruce Bochy head north to a division rival. Congrats to them as well as all the non-misfits on the San Francisco roster.

Humor Vault Headlines

In game played in London, Broncos and Niners called for a shitload of hand balls

Robot from Fox's NFL telecasts escapes, kills seven

Fearful of a fine or suspension, Brian Urlacher uses bye week to practice new gentle, more tender form of tackling

Bye week in review

There's no on-field Bears action to review this week, but let's take a look at how the other NFL games affected da Bears.

The biggest downer was the Packers beating the Jets in what turned out to be the first shutout in the NFL this season. The win moves them to 5-3 and a half-game ahead of the Bears in the NFC North. Rex Ryan had a bye week to prepare for this game, and while he got his defense ready, he couldn't get his offense ready to do anything against a team that had allowed more than 20 points to the Vikings and Dolphins, respectively, in its last two games.

Staying in the division, the Vikings went to New England and took one on the chin--literally. Favre needed stitches in his chin and was replaced by Tarvaris Jackson after getting carted off the field in what appeared to be either a comatose state or a deep sleep. It's quite possible that he died. Minnesota is now 2-5, including 0-4 on the road, and they're tied with the Lions at the south end of the NFC North.

Looking at the bigger playoff picture, it was a mixed bag for the Bears (like Halloween!). The surprising Bucs dropped 38 on the Cardinals to go to 5-2 and into a tie for first with the Falcons. If the season ended today (it doesn't), the Buccaneers would go to the playoffs. The Rams won as well and have climbed to .500, and the Saints got a big win over the Steelers last night to become the fifth NFC team with five wins.

Good for the Bears: the Cowboys' season essentially ending with a drubbing at the hands of the Jaguars; the Redskins laying another egg on the road and falling to 4-4; and the Seahawks falling back to 4-3.

Next week the Bears head to Toronto to face the Bills in a must-win game while the Packers get a home game against the embarrassingly bad Cowboys.