Sabermatricians go one step too far with new Ultimate Weighted On-Base Average Rating on Balls Put in Play Percentage Per Nine Innings Ratio

From the Wait 'til this Year Humor Vault

Bill James, shown here trying to think of another way to make you feel stupid.

NEW YORK--Sabermetricians have finally taken their obsession with statistics one step too far. Bill James, founder of the Society for American Baseball Research, recently introduced a new statistic called Ultimate Weighted On-Base Average Rating on Balls Put in Play Percentage Per Nine Innings Ratio (uWOBARBPiP%/9R), which is designed to reveal how often a player gets on base when he puts the ball in play, on average, per nine innings, er, the ratio of, um ... s**t, I have absolutely no idea what it means.

"This statistic will revolutionize the way we analyze the game of baseball," James said, repeating the line he used when he revealed statistics such as Ultimate Zone Rating and Weighted On-Base Average. When pressed to be more specific, James, looking very professorial and intelligent, simply said, "Statistics." When asked for more details, he calmly replied, "Baseball."

James admitted that the statistic might need to be refined a bit given that Albert Pujols' major league-leading uWOBARBPiP%/9R of 34.7624 puts him just barely ahead of Rangers pitcher C.J. Wilson, who has yet to bat this season.