Notre Lame

It must be fall, because Notre Dame just lost to USC.

Eight straight years now. Not much of a rivalry; more of an annual event you can set your watch to. And while I don't generally root for USC, I love watching Notre Dame lose to pretty much anyone. Why? Let me count the ways:

1) Charlie Weis is terrible. And yet he's the second-highest paid coach in college football. Notre Dame signed Weis to a 10-year contract worth over $30 million just seven games into his tenure. How's that workin' out, ND? I'll tell you: 28-20, the most losses in back-to-back seasons in Fightin' Irish history, and a program that has struggled to get its head above water ever since Weis used Ty Willingham's recruits to go 9-3 in 2005.

2) They're not even in a conference. They think they're so damn special they don't even need to be part of the NCAA framework.

3) They get hyped like nobody's business, and lose when the stakes are high. Prior to their 49-21 victory over Hawai'i in the, ahem, Hawai'i Bowl last year, the Irish had lost nine straight bowl games. They hadn't won a bowl game since 1994! And yet, they go to a BCS game pretty much every time they're over .500.

4) They're on national television every single week. Is this Notre Dame's fault? No. But it still makes me hate them. They get national exposure every week, which is perhaps the biggest reason for their consistent recruiting success. And yet they're just 14-17 over the last three years. Imagine if every single Arizona Cardinals game were broadcast on national television (the Cards are 16-15 in their last 31 games). Would you stand for that?

5) It's a Catholic university. The football team goes to mass prior to every home game, and the stadium affords a view of "Touchdown Jesus." Makes me want to vomit. Better amp up the prayers, boys. Though it's possible that even Jesus can't save Charlie Weis at this point.