Rock Cleveland!

The Cleveland Browns are bad. They've scored the third-fewest points in the league and allowed the sixth-most. They've lost three games by more than 20 points. Their fans are even planning a protest for their Monday night game against the Ravens. Bad, bad, bad.

Which is why it's sad, sad, sad that Bears fans have no choice but to get jazzed up for this game given that it means either rising above .500 or falling below it. And it's even sadder that there's at least a tiny little touch of trepidation heading into the game. I mean, if they can lose 45-10--allowing six TDs and a field goal in the Bengals' first seven drives--then they can lose to pretty much anyone, right?

I don't know, but I sure hope not. You should feel better knowing that it's entirely possible that my inability to watch any of last week's game led to the poor performance (I was in airports all day). And even though I have to travel again this Sunday, I booked a 6 a.m. flight just so I could catch all the action. So let's hope my return to sitting in front of the TV with an icy cold beverage corresponds to a return to normalcy in the Land of Lovie.

KEYS TO THE GAME

Confidence and aggression. The Bears have more talent than the Browns on both sides of the ball (as does, you know, your local Pee Wee squad), and they need to come out looking to punish them, not tippy toeing around and scared because of last week's beat down. Someone must pay for last week's tragedy, and I don't see why it shouldn't be the Browns.

Get after the "quarterback." I put "quarterback" in quotes because ohmygod Derek Anderson is so bad. With Brady Quinn as their other option, it's "trick or trick" for Eric Mangini. Not to mention their O-line sucks, having allowed at least one sack in every game this year. But back to Derek Anderson: he is avert-your-eyes, hide-the-children, is-there-a-bucket-nearby-I'm-not-going-to-make-it-to-the-bathroom-in-time bad. If he finishes this game with a QB rating over 80, someone on the Bears' coaching staff should be fired. I nominate Everyone.

Turnovers. If the Bears can maintain their grip on the ball and Cutler can keep from throwing it into the hands of Cleveland's defenders, the game should be a cakewalk. They can't let them hang around by giving them free possessions.

Kick/punt coverage. The Browns' biggest weapon is return man Josh Cribbs. He has the most return yards of anyone in the league to go along with one kick return TD and one punt return TD. Gotta contain him.

Where'd he come from?

QB Derek Anderson, Oregon State
RB Jamal Lewis, Tennessee
WR Josh Cribbs, Kent State
WR Mohamed Massaquoi, Georgia