Opposing batters say Jamie Moyer's hiked up pants and frequent bathroom trips are distracting

From the Wait 'til this Year Humor Vault

He's not trying to see the sign--he's trying to see the catcher!

PHILADELPHIA--Jamie Moyer is the oldest non-knuckleball pitcher in major league history to hold down a spot in a starting rotation. But while fans might find enjoyment in Moyer's incredible longevity, opposing hitters say he's too old and that his age-related tendencies are frustrating. In his first start of the season last week in Houston, Moyer's pants came up almost to the "Phillies" lettering on his jersey, he left the mound three different times to use the bathroom, and some Astros players questioned the legality of the handkerchief he continuously utilized between pitches.

Even Moyer's catcher, Brian Schneider, admitted that Moyer's age was a problem.

"I went out there in the third to have a quick chat, but he couldn't hear a word I said," Schneider said. "I told him to throw one high and tight, and he said, 'WHAAAT? YOU'RE GOING FOR A DRIVE TONIGHT??' He pitched okay, but I'm not sure this is going to work out."

Said Moyer, "Pitching's just the bee's knees, you know? These wise guys on the Astros, they need to just relax, see. See you in the funny papers."