Radio announcer pretends game is still going on so he doesn't have to go home to crazy wife

From the Wait 'til this Year Humor Vault

BALTIMORE--Radio play-by-play announcer Joe Angel pretended the Baltimore Orioles' game against the Toronto Blue Jays on Tuesday was still going on hours after it was completed so that he wouldn't have to go home to his "nutcase of a wife." When Miguel Tejada was thrown out at first to end the game 7-6 in favor of the Blue Jays, Angel said, "And the throw gets away! Tejada is around first and he'll make it to second!" As the Camden Yards crowd filed out, Angel reported that Adam Jones knocked in Tejada to tie the game. Though Angel's announcing partner packed up and left for home, Angel continued to make up game action all the way into the fake 15th inning. He then announced that Ty Wigginton hit a game-winning home run once he was "pretty sure that bitch was asleep." The Orioles decided not to fire Angel, saying that his life is bad enough already.

Throwing a no-hitter is the new hitting 50 home runs

In the late '90s we learned that chicks dig the long ball. Bud Selig and Major League Baseball better hope that, a decade later, chicks and dudes dig the fastball. It seems that throwing a no-hitter is the new hitting 50 home runs.

There are perhaps several reasons that balls began flying out of ballparks at a record pace in the 1990s--more tightly wound, "lively" balls; expansion leading to an influx of unqualified pitchers--but one of course stands out: steroids. From 1875 until 1994, the 50 home run mark was reached 18 times. From 1995 through 2007, hitters cracked the half-century mark 24 times. Swinging for the fences--and doing so successfully--was the thing to do. The long ball is what baseball became for a decade. Even Brady Anderson got into the swing of things. Sammy Sosa hit 64 home runs in 2001 ... and lost the home run race by nine.

But pitchers have come back with a vengeance. No hitter has eclipsed the 50 mark since 2007, and the home run leader at this year's All-Star break had fewer than any hitter since 1991. Matt Garza just tossed the majors' fifth no-hitter this season, six if you count Armando Galarraga's imperfect game. There were five total no-hitters from 2002-2006.

One more no-hitter would tie 1991's total of seven, also accomplished in 1990, and would come one shy of 1884's record-setting total of eight, meaning there's a decent chance there will be more no-hitters this season than in any other in MLB history. There have already been more perfect games this year than in any other season (if you count Galarraga's).

Prior to 1990, you have to go back to 1969 to find another year of six or more (there were six). There were five in 1968, the so-called Year of the Pitcher, after which they lowered the freakin' mound just to give the hitters a chance, so there have now been more no-hitters through July of this season than there were in the Year of the Pitcher. There were also six in 1917, 1915 and 1908.

So while in 1995-2007 the 50 home run mark became the unique, newsworthy accomplishment in the baseball world, in 2010 it's the no-hitter. Not allowing a hit is in. It's vogue. It's a feat that's supposed to be rare and glorious but is suddenly becoming ordinary and expected. Why was I not shocked to find out that in the 6th inning of Garza's no-hitter, the opposing pitcher had yet to allow a hit himself? Another no-hitter leading off SportsCenter? Yawn. Edwin Jackson (6-9, 5.01 ERA) did that. Dallas Braden (5-7, 3.77) did that. I can barely remember everyone who's done it, just like you may not recall that Luis Gonzalez belted 50 home runs, Andruw Jones did it too, and Sammy Sosa did it three different times.

No one knows for sure if this no-hitter trend will continue for years like the home run onslaught did, or if this is simply a one-year aberration. But for the moment, it looks like one unexpected trend--hitting 50 or more home runs in a season--has been replaced by a far less sexy but no less impressive one--no-hitting the opposition.

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Tallying up the weekly award winners

I couldn't help but be curious about the weekly awards I've been giving out--has anyone dominated either award? Have any key players failed to garner any awards at all? Could these awards possibly be any more meaningless?

Here are the tallies through Week 16:

Rynos of the Week

Starlin Castro 3

Carlos Silva 2

Sean Marshall 2

Ted Lilly

Ryan Dempster

Alfonso Soriano

Marlon Byrd

Ryan Theriot

Carlos Zambrano

Aramis Ramirez

Andrew Cashner

Tyler Colvin

Goats of the Week

Ryan Theriot 3

Aramis Ramirez 2

Alfonso Soriano 2

Randy Wells 2

Carlos Silva

Carlos Zambrano

John Grabow

Ted Lilly

Tyler Colvin

Jeff Stevens

The entire offense

Geovany Soto, Derrek Lee and Kosuke Fukudome are the only regulars (or semi-regular, in Fukudome's case) who haven't won an award, while Tom Gorzelanny is the only starter not to have won an award. Four relievers have garnered a total of five awards, three Rynos and two Goats. Seven players have won at least one of each award.

Week 16 awards: Cubs go 1-2 on unjustified three-week ESPN run

Does ESPN not have access to the MLB standings? Despite being in fourth place, the Cubs found themselves in prime time the last three Sundays. They actually made ESPN's decision look good the last two weeks, beating Roy Halladay and then engaging in an exciting duel against Chris Carpenter and the Cardinals. Unfortunately they couldn't quite pull it out last night to finish off what would have been their first home sweep since a two-gamer against the Rockies back in May.

The 3-3 week went according to script with the Cubs playing down to a bad team and getting their act together against a good one; they're now 7-17 against the Astros, Pirates and Nationals but are 9-5 against the Cardinals, Phillies and Rockies.

Overall the offense fared well yet again, sparked by the solid play of the two sub-25-year-olds at the top of the order. The team is third in the majors in runs during the month of July (guess who's first, I dare you ... nope, it's the Giants) and second in home runs. If only the young guys in the bullpen were half as good as the Cubs' young hitters.

Ryno of the Week: Starlin Castro has been raking. He hit nearly .500 this week and is batting over .380 this month. He's over .300 for the season, in fact, and piled up stats this week like Nicolas Cage piles up painfully bad movies--six RBI, four runs, four doubles and two stolen bases over the last seven days.

Honorable mentions: Aramis Ramirez (who leads the majors in HR and RBI this month), Geovany Soto, Derrek Lee, Randy Wells

Goat of the Week: Oh, Carlos Silva. I haven't completely turned on you yet, but I'm definitely worried. In Silva's last two starts, his ERA has almost gone up more than his innings pitched (ERA up 0.9, innings pitched = 2.1). He'll get another shot against the Astros tonight after lasting just one inning against them last Monday.

The redhead lives!

Matt Murton is back to being awesome. After stints with the A's and Rockies in 2008 and 2009, respectively, Colorado sold his contract to the Hanshin Tigers of Japan. Turns out Murton was just on the wrong continent--he's leading the league in batting average (.352) and hits (120). In fact, he's currently on pace to break Ichiro Suzuki's 16-year-old Nippon Professional Baseball record of 210 hits, though the season is now 14 games longer than it was in 1994.

Murton was the leadoff man but now bats third in the lineup, and he already has two grand slams on the season.

Hat tip: Jim Armstrong

Cubs use power to surge into third-place tie

Jim Prisching / AP

I will quickly dispense with the negative thought that can't help but run through my mind when it comes to Aramis Ramirez--that it would have been nice if a few of these home runs and RBI had come before the Grim Reaper took his scythe and hacked the 2010 Cubs season to pieces--and move on to the positive feelings that Cubs fans are feeling after 13 unanswered runs gave them a 14-7 victory over the Astros.

Ramirez is now hitting .404 since ... well, since he started hitting. He's had at least one hit in 10 of the last 13 games and at least two hits in nine of those games. He's also had at least one RBI in eight of those contests and scored at least one run in 10 of them. Actually, you know what--let's get a little crazy; I feel a list coming on:

Last 13 games:

19 hits

Most hits in any month, excluding July: 14

9 home runs

Number of games it took him to hit 9 home runs prior to the last 13: 75

24 RBI

RBI this season prior to last 13 games: 23

18 runs

Runs this season prior to last 13 games: 19

Last two games: 10 RBI

RBI in May and June combined: 10

Season stats extrapolating last 13 games to 162-game season: .404, 112 HR, 300 RBI

You can enjoy the ride he's on right now or be angry with him for mysteriously turning into a Single-A hitter for the first half of the season. I'm doing a little bit of both, myself, but trying to forget that the first three months ever happened. What do you mean Ramirez couldn't hit an 85 mph fastball down Broadway a month ago? I don't know what you're talking about, crazy person. The Cubs have scored over 6.6 runs per game over those last 13, and in this disappointing season, I'm choosing to be thankful for the fact that now, at least, the games are watchable.

While the offense has been hot, Silva and Dempster had perhaps the worst back-to-back starts we've seen all season the last two days, and hopefully Lilly can get the pitching back on track today. The team has scored more than three runs for Lilly just once in his last 11 starts, but it seems that he's taking the mound at the right time. They need a win to take their first series from Houston in three tries.