An arse-kicking

Week 12: Vikings 36, Bears 10

Pretty sure either one of these guys could have beaten the Bears.

Well, for the most part, the Bears made Brett Favre beat 'em. And beat 'em he did, like Tiger Woods's wife beats rear windows.

Adrian Peterson did manage 85 yards, but he averaged just 3.4 per carry and his longest run was 15 yards. But three TDs for Brett and nearly 400 yards through the air led to another game for which "beat down" was a better description than "Bear down."

The Vikings put up 537 yards in all, the most for any team against the Bears since 1982. That's the year I was born. We just saw the worst Bears defensive performance since I was born. WOW, this defense is awful. Perhaps that's because Jerry Angelo's first round draft picks since 2001 have looked like this: David Terrell, Marc Columbo, Michael Haynes, Rex Grossman, Tommie Harris, Cedric Benson, Greg Olsen, and Chris Williams. And the other rounds don't look much better. You cannot field a consistently good team with consistently bad draft picks.

But as bad as the defense is, the offense isn't much better. For me, the Bears' offense is like God--it might exist, but I have no proof that it does. Did anyone besides me know for a fact that the Bears were going to have to resort to a field goal after Johnny Knox returned a kickoff to the Vikings' eight yard line? Why must we watch games with such justified pessimism? Why must that be our fate?

If someone would have told you three months ago that at some point this season, there would be a week in which Jay Cutler would be the fourth-best quarterback from the 2006 draft class, you probably would have put them in a headlock. But while Cutler was throwing two more picks and failing to pile up even 150 yards, two other members of the draft class were going toe-to-toe in a great battle as Matt Leinart and Vince Young went at it in a 20-17 thriller won by Tennessee. And on Thursday, Bruce Freakin' Gradkowski didn't play too poorly, either. He was even one of the four nominees for the Turkey Award Thingie. What is this world coming to?

But Cutler is leading the league in something--unfortunately, it's interceptions. You better have 10 fingers and 10 toes if you're trying to keep track of them, cuz he's now up to 20.

That's now four straight losses and six out of seven. But behold: the beauty of a home game against the Rams. Enjoy the next seven days, because there won't be many more weeks when you can look forward to what should be a Bears victory.

The battle of newly acquired quarterbacks

Both the Bears and Vikings acquired new quarterbacks in the offseason, but it's really only worked out for the Bears as Cutler has thrown for 42 more yards than Favre.

Wait, check that. Turns out that's the only statistical advantage Cutler has over The Aged One. Cutler has 15 touchdowns, Favre 21. Cutler has 18 interceptions, Favre just three. Favre has the best QB rating in the NFL, Cutler ranks 24th. I could go on, but if I do I think I'll be sick.

I'm man enough to admit when I'm wrong. From my blog, May 10:

But here's the long and short of it: Come on back, Brett! Favre led the NFL last year with 29 interceptions, and he's thrown 84 over the last four seasons. He got hurt near the end of last season (hence Minnesota wondering if he needs major surgery) and the Jets fell apart down the stretch, going 1-4 and missing the playoffs. Sure he's a legend, but a 40-year-old interception prone quarterback coming off an injury? If I were allowed to pick a division to put him in, I'd go with the NFC North. Tillman and Vasher, get to work developing your post-interception dances, cuz you're gonna need plenty of them.

I guess being on a team with Adrian Peterson and a top ten defense in points allowed is a slightly better situation than a team with Thomas Jones and a below average defense. But give Brett some credit. He has played exceptionally well and has the Vikings rolling at 9-1.

Maybe this is just wishful thinking on my part, but we do still have 37% of the season ahead of us. It was the stretch run last year when things went awry for Favre, so it's a little early to crown his ass. But through 10 games, he sure hasn't been who I thought he was.

And that makes me awfully scared of this Sunday's affair. The Vikings have a balanced offense and a stifling defense. They also have yet to lose at home (5-0). The Bears struggle against both the run and the pass, and they're a pathetic 1-4 on the road. This game has been rated "B" for blowout, and may not be suitable for children.

KEYS TO THE GAME

Orlando Pace vs. Jared Allen. Allen is second in the league in sacks, and going up against Pace might be all it takes for him to take the lead. Allen is a crazed, mulleted, real-life Viking while Pace is an aging, overpaid invitation to sack the quarterback. The Bears may want to run some screens his way to help offset the penetration he's likely to get.

Visanthe Shiancoe in the red zone. The tight end is fourth on the team in receiving yards but leads the Vikes with seven touchdowns. Favre loves to look his way near the goal line.

Contain Adrian Peterson. It is possible, though not normally for the Bears. A.P. has averaged 138 yards/game against Chicago in his career, but has been held under four yards per carry four times this season, and has been limited in practice this week due to an ankle injury. Obviously, Favre can do his share of damage as well, but you still have to make him beat you by focusing on Peterson, perhaps the best player in football.

Get Cutler goin'. I have of course been a huge proponent of a balanced offense, keeping Forte in the game plan to keep defenses honest. But Minnesota is third in the NFL in run defense and just 21st in pass defense. Lovie absurdly claimed last week that the Bears are still a running team, but he knows as well as the rest of us that they're not. This is the week for Cutler to get his arm screwed on straight and lead the Bears the way we hoped he would when Angelo traded for him.

Where'd he come from?

QB Brett Favre, Southern Mississippi
RB Adrian Peterson, Oklahoma
WR Greg Lewis, Illinois
WR Sidney Rice, South Carolina
G Steve Hutchinson, Michigan
DE Jared Allen, Idaho State

Giving thanks, sports-style

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!

Do you think the Pilgrims and Indians played a game of pick-up football after their meal? I like to think so.

A few sports-related things I'm thankful for:

• The Brewers, Astros, Reds and Pirates being in the Cubs' division.
  
• The God of Schedules, for putting the Rams and Browns on the Bears' schedule, plus the Lions twice. How bad would things be for the Bears if they didn't have the easiest schedule in the league?
• Trevor Sierra and Brian Brennan, for providing company in my obsession with sports.
• The fact that you can tell when Halloween has passed each year just by checking to see if Notre Dame has started choking away their season yet.
• The NFL Red Zone channel.
• Illinois Wesleyan athletics: women's soccer made it to the second round of the national tournament, the football team is 10-1 and headed to the Round of 16, the women's basketball team is ranked second in the nation, the men's team is 3-1, men's and women's golf are ranked in the top 11, and Kerry Devitt just became the first IWU cross country runner to win the conference meet.
• ESPN columnist Bill Simmons, on whom I admittedly have a man crush.
• Gus Johnson calling not just college basketball, but NFL games too.
• A real, live human being owning the Cubs.

Hendry gets started

I suppose I'm happy the Cubs re-signed John Grabow. I mean, it's nice to have a solid lefty in the 'pen, but I'm less than ebullient because it's hard to justify $7.5 million over two years for a solid lefty out of the 'pen. He had a good year with both the Pirates and Cubs, his second good year in a row. But the four years prior to that were less than stellar--his ERA was over 4.50 three of those four years.

On the bright side, Hendry did a nice job getting anything at all for Aaron Heilman. Trading for him last offseason was clearly a gamble; after all, he sported a 5.21 ERA in 2008. And he proved to be a disposable commodity in 2009, even though he did finish strong. So to get any kind of return on him (lefty Scott Maine and 1B Ryne White) is a win. Plus, one of the prospects' names is Ryne, like Ryne Sandberg. So he must be good.

Titans avenge only loss in last 34 games

In college basketball, revenge is a dish best served in March. For the IWU women's basketball team, November will have to do for now.

After being eliminated by Washington University in last year's Elite Eight, the Titans had an early opportunity to exact some revenge, and they did just that with a 58-53 home victory. The Bears were ranked #1 in the nation heading into the game, so the 3-0 Titans will look to move up from their #6 ranking when the new poll comes out today.

With Claire Sheehan and Mallory Heydorn having graduated, Coach Mia Smith's team is filled with young talent. Several freshmen--including Melissa Gardner and Haley Kitchell--are seeing significant playing time, and sophomores Brittany Hasselbring and Kylie Castans are starters. The team will look to seniors Christina Solari and Carrie Williams for some veteran leadership.

By the way, I saw something I don't think I've ever seen before in that game against Wash U: a jump ball on the jump ball. The jump ball to open the game was fumbled around and fought for and eventually tied up. Since the possession arrow goes to the team who loses the opening tipoff, and no team actually won the opening tipoff, they had to do another jump ball. More proof that there's always a chance you'll see something you've never seen before when you take in a sporting event.

Bears can't quite take flight against Eagles

Week 11: Eagles 24, Bears 20


The Bears actually showed somethin' on Sunday night. Showed a few things, even. For example:

• A pass rush. Three sacks and consistent pressure on McNabb. Kudos to Alex Brown who, though he didn't record a sack, made Jason Peters give some early thanks for the fact that he won't have to face Brown again this season.
  
• A little fight. The Bears trailed 10-0 early on, Cutler looked terrible, a few boo birds were out while many more were peeking out of their nests. But with their backs against the wall, the Bears found a way get the Soldier Field crowd cheering again and found a way to make a game of it.
• It is in fact possible for Cutler to enter the red zone and not s**t his pants. While the Bears were limited to two field goals in their first two trips inside the 20, Cutler threw a beautiful pass to Kellen Davis for a big TD in the third quarter. And even when they had to resort to Robbie Gould, at least Cutler gave him the opportunity to put three points on the board instead of turning it over.
• Speaking of turnovers, the Bears were +2 in that category. Since they came into the game at -5, that was really nice to see. And it's all that kept the Bears in the game.
  

Unfortunately, the biggest thing the Bears showed was an ability to find a way to lose. They put up a fight, they came back, they made it a game. But all for naught, as they allowed the Eagles to charge down the field late in the fourth and then blew opportunities to win the game as Cutler missed a wide open receiver on one drive and threw an ill-advised pass for an interception to end it.

Have I mentioned in the past that Cutler is overrated? Because Cutler is overrated. Can bears not see well at night? Is that a thing? Because though Cutler not only threw another interception on the heels of his five-interception game, he was also just 24/43 for 171 yards. And most importantly, he missed wide open receivers on three different occasions. Is he allergic to touchdowns? Morally opposed to points? A conscientious objector to the concept of big plays?

Cutler has talent, and he will get better. But you can pretty easily argue that he has cost them victories in each of the last two games. Instead of 6-4 and in the thick of the Wild Card race, it's 4-6 and see you in 2010. But not until the third round of the draft.

Something else we saw last night: there is no limit to the number of Bears running backs who can average more yards per carry than Matt Forte. Kahlil Bell, an undrafted rookie free agent who was signed Friday, had four carries for 72 yards. Forte, on the other hand, averaged under three yards per carry. The sophomore slump extends.

Sorry, but one final piece of bad news: next up is a road game against the Vikings. Uh-oh.

Bears hoping recent history repeats itself

The Bears and Eagles have quite the history. Did you know that they've faced each other in 10 different stadiums? List:

The Baker Bowl
Municipal Stadium
Wrigley Field
Shibe Park
Forbes Field
Franklin Field, U-Penn.
Dyche Stadium, Northwestern
Veterans Stadium
Soldier Field
Memorial Stadium

And they have some recent history as well:

2008: Bears stop the Eagles four times from the one-yard line, win 24-20. (Can you imagine them doing that this year?)

2007: Brian Griese leads game-winning 97-yard drive, Bears win 19-16.

Prior to 2008, the Eagles had defeated the Bears five straight times--including a playoff victory in 2002--going back to 1995.

I know, I know, I need to get to this Sunday's match-up already. But can you blame me for living in the past? The Bears' season has fallen apart faster than a diversity workshop at Michael Richards's house, and the Eagles aren't looking so hot either--they've lost three of their last five and need a win to stay above .500.

Plus, Jay Cutler is more averse to playing under the lights than a gremlin (I think I may have used that joke before, but I don't care, I like it). Back-to-back weeks with a prime time match-up of less than stellar teams; NFL Network couldn't do anything about it, but I'm surprised NBC didn't "flex" this game.

KEYS TO THE GAME

Red zone opportunities. This goes for both teams. We know the Bears have struggled mightily inside the 20, but the Eagles got inside the 15 three times last week against the Chargers and got just three points each time. They did manage to score a couple TDs later in the game. If one of these teams can overcome their fear of the red zone, they'll probably walk away with a win.

DeSean "Big Play" Jackson. I don't think anyone actually calls him that, but they should. He has six touchdowns of 50 yards or more on the season (four receiving, one punt return, one rushing), and one more would set the NFL record held by, among others, Devin Hester (hat tip: UPI). The man's got wings, and the Bears will have to do what they can to try to contain him.

Inter ... Intercep ... I can't even say it. Whenever I'm about to say it I start having flashbacks and I come entirely too close to blacking out. But obviously this is a key to the game. Cutler can't throw any ... of those things. It's kind of shocking the Eagles have just one more victory than the Bears given their +10 turnover ratio compared to the Bears' -5.

Where'd he come from?

QB Donovan McNabb, Syracuse
WR DeSean Jackson, California
WR Jeremy Maclin, Missouri
WR Jason Avant, Michigan
LB Akeem Jordan, James Madison
CB Asante Samuel, Central Florida