After Peterson and Favre get subtracted, Bears add a win and claim division

'Twas five days before Christmas, they were playing outdoors,

But not a Viking was stirring, not even Ol' #4,

Hester and Cutler got the Bears a big win,

And everyone hoped Favre would never be seen again

Merry Christmas to Bears fans! Wow, Santa! I mean, all I expected was maybe a new hat or a video game, but all THIS?!

Let's see what's in my stocking ... whoa, three touchdowns from Jay Cutler? That's nice. That's really nice. Wait, what's this one sort of hidden at the bottom? Wow, five turnovers! This is fantastic!

Okay I wanna open this little one over here under the tree. Oh my gosh. No way. Devin Hester's record-breaking punt return for a touchdown? Santa, you're really gettin' after it this year. Can I open this one over here now? Oh come on. This is too much. Brett Favre decided to play at the last minute but then the Bears f--king steamrolled him and he laid on the turf seemingly lifeless before coming out of possibly his last game ever with a head injury? F--king SWEET, Santa! THIS IS EXACTLY WHAT I WANTED! It's like you had access to the Christmas list IN MY BRAIN. That image where Favre is apparently comatose on the turf with several Bears peering down at his decrepit body will literally get me through the next 7-8 months of my life. By that I mean anything, literally anything terrible could happen to me but I will still wake up each morning with a huge grin on my face because I will have mental access to that image. That play was a Christmas miracle.

What's that? There's one more present but you have to go get out of the garage cuz it's so big? Oh man, is this going to be what I think it is? Holy crap, IT IS. An NFC North title after just 14 games. I can't believe it. This is ... man, I'm all choked up ... this is the best Christmas EVER. Where did you get this? Back in August, I didn't even think they made these any more! You and baby Jesus really did it up right this year, Santa.

For much of the season, the Bears and Packers jostled back and forth,

But 'twas a Monday night victory gave the Bears the NFC North,

Could it be like '85, could it be like '06?

Might we see a Super Bowl Shuffle remix?

Cutler's playing well, Devin Hester's ridiculous,

In the backfield, Bears defenders are ubiquitous,

The season's not over, for the two seed's still in sight,

But either way the Bears are in the playoffs, so all is right

Favre pulls a Favre; surprises, like, maybe one really gullible guy in Wyoming

"What, Brett Favre flew to Minnesota? You mean, you mean he might come back to the Vikings? Ohmygodohmygod! This is unbelievable! This is the story of the year! Which is crazy, because it was also the story of the year in 2009! And also in 2008! I can't believe he might actually come back! I never in a million years thought that $20 million and a chance to go to the Super Bowl could lure him back with that bum ankle of his!"

--The one random dude in America who didn't think Favre would return

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In all seriousness, I got a little excited when SportsCenter reported one morning that Favre had informed the Vikings' brass that he wouldn't be returning. As a Bears fan, I was thrilled that this development would have opened the NFC North wide open.

But I must admit there's a small part of me that is excited for Public Enemy #1 to return to the field. I hate Favre, but that doesn't entirely mean I want him gone. Hate is part of sports (sports-hate, not real hate). Without players and teams to root against, sports would only be half as fun as they are.

So welcome back, you drama queen bastard. Julius Peppers will see you now.

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But could Brett have been any douchier in how he handled his return?

"I don't think I can play, my ankle feels ouchy. But hey, who are these cute purply guys coming to talk to me? Whaaaa? You want me to play quarterback? You like me? And you just need this one little favor? Aw, shucks, I can't say no to you. But only if you reaaallly want me to ... You do? Okay, I'm in. But only cuz you asked nicely and because I'm such a nice person. I don't want to play at all, really I don't, but I'll do it for you."

I hope Tarvaris Jackson goes all Kathy Bates on his ankle while he's sleeping.

Living up to the hype

Now THAT was a good game.

The Saints are headed to the Super Bowl for the first time ever. Brett Favre is done for the year. The matchup most of us have been waiting for since the middle of the season will take place less than two weeks from now in Miami. Suffice to say: I enjoyed Sunday's Conference Championship action.

A couple thoughts from the weekend:

• Now I know why Brett Favre turns up the drama meter whenever he can--people eat that s**t up. When Favre was on the ground like a dog playing dead and then sought assistance as he limped off the field, was it not entirely obvious to everyone watching that he would soon be back in the game firing laser beams all over the field? What were the odds that Tarvaris Jackson would see even a half-second of playing time in the NFC Championship game? 1-in-10,000? 1-in-10 million? And yet, when Favre returned for the Vikings' next series, the Vikings faithful at Buffalo Wild Wings went crazy. Had they never seen Brett Favre play before? Were they not aware of the fact that he has his SAG card and that he is a master thespian? C'mon, people, it was in the script! Page 28: Favre is hit and remains down. He gets up limping and asks for help as he leaves the field. A few seconds later, the camera spots Favre as he lays on a training table in apparent agony. (Skip to next Vikings series.) Favre returns to the huddle gingerly, unsure if he can go on. Hut hut hike! Favre drops back, plants his feet, fires a bullet over the middle. First down! Favre limps down the field. Repeat previous sequence until game ends.
• Part of me was very, very happy when the Saints won the overtime coin toss, moved the ball down the field and made the game-winning field goal, all with Favre sitting on the bench. But part of me can't help but acknowledge how utterly stupid it is that Brett Favre, perhaps the greatest quarterback of all time, never even got to take the field in the extra period of the NFC Championship game thanks to a coin toss. College overtime is so much better.
• Will the Saints be able to hang with the Colts? While the Colts did fall behind 17-6 to the Jets, they dominated from that point on, winning by 13 in the end. They still haven't lost a game this year when they were trying to win, and they've won their two playoff games 20-3 and 30-17. The Saints, on the other hand, were nearly doubled up in yardage by the Vikings, 475-257. Only the Vikings' five turnovers kept New Orleans in the game. The somewhat disparate performances led to a bigger-than-expected spread--the Colts are favored by anywhere from 3.5 to 5 points depending on the sportsbook, rather than the 2.5 or 3 many expected.
• Adrian Peterson is a phenomenal running back with ridiculous potential. But he will never crack the list of "Best running backs ever" if he doesn't stop putting the ball on the turf. He fumbled seven times this season and twice more in the NFC Championship game. He will never earn the full confidence of his coach and offensive coordinator if they can't be sure he's going to keep the ball to himself.
  

Knock knock. Who's there? Boring playoff games. Boring playoff games who? Boring playoff games suck.

***I am re-posting this entry for two reasons:

1) I have a new picture of Nate Kaeding which I think provides a better sense of just how freakishly small his head is.

2) I realized who Kaeding reminds me of--the guy from Beetlejuice who gets his head shrunk(en?) near the end of the movie. Not so much in terms of the bulging eyes, wrinkled skin, and general Tim Burton-esque nightmarish appearance, but in the sense that his head is extraordinarily small.
















Some thoughts from what was supposed to be The Best Weekend of the Football Season, but instead was An Opportunity to Catch Up on TiVo.

• First--and most importantly--does any athlete have a smaller head than Chargers kicker Nate Kaeding? Michael Tucker would give him a run for his money if he still played baseball, but I can't think of anyone else who's even close. That small-headed son of a bitch missed THREE field goals in a three-point loss to the Jets, meaning my AFC Super Bowl pick is done, kaput.

• And the Vikings ... ugh, the Vikings. They're still alive after completely obliterating the "Am I crazy or weren't the Cowboys just destroying every team in their path and looking pretty unstoppable?" Cowboys. Brett Favre is very, very good. I strongly dislike him, but he is very, very good. I was not pleased at all to see Favre advance to the NFC Championship game, but my sports-hatred of Favre will not waver. My will is strong. I shall hate seven days more.

• I was rooting for the Cowboys to win for another reason as well: to see just how many field goals Shane Suisham could miss in the playoffs, and if Wade Phillips would eventually just end the charade and stop sending him out there. I honestly think that if the Cowboys made it all the way to the Super Bowl, we would have at some point seen Jerry Jones tackle Suisham as he walked out for a field goal attempt.

• For the first time ever, both conference championship games will be played in domes. The only favored team not to win in the Divisional round was the Chargers, who were also the only favored team not playing in a dome. Dome teams are now 4-0 when playing at home in this year's playoffs.
  

So this is what we've been missing

Week 16: Bears 36, Vikings 30 (OT)


I was excited about the Bears-Vikings game for three reasons:

1) I was allowing myself to be. Though the Bears have given their fans zero incentive to get jazzed up for their games this year, I figured the Monday night affair was essentially their last game of the year. Even if they beat the Lions this coming Sunday ... meh. The game against the Vikings would be the last chance of the season to hope for something unexpected, so I decided to buy in just for fun.

2) Sure, beating teams like the Ravens or Eagles would have been nice, but this game provided some real juicy storylines. With Adrian Peterson struggling, Favre and Childress bickering and the Vikings having lost two of three coming in, the Bears had a chance to throw a nice stomach punch at their already-reeling rival. On top of that, a loss would eliminate Minnesota's chance at the 1 seed and keep alive the possibility that they could fall as low as the 4 seed.

3) Granted, I was practically begging for someone to give me a reason to believe the Bears could actually win the game, looking for something, anything in which to ground my manufactured hope, but I found it on the Chicago Now Website. Brad Palmer, aka The Professor, explored the extreme variance between Favre and the Vikings' play on turf vs. grass. A couple examples: Favre was 12-2 his last 14 games at Soldier Field, and both losses were in December; the Vikings had outscored opponents by 16 points a game on turf, but on grass it was even.

So in front of the TV I sat, armed with pretend hope, buoyed by a bevy of anti-Favre and anti-Vikings sentiment, and comforted by a dash of reasons that the Bears might actually come out on top.

And what do we have here? A 16-0 halftime lead? Adrian Peterson running into a wall of tacklers every time he gets the ball? Pressure on Favre, in one case resulting in a sack and a fumble?

I'm glad I found a way to go into this game believing this type of performance was actually a remote possibility, because otherwise, my brain would not have been able to translate the images I was seeing on the screen. Since when do the Bears play hard for four quarters (plus overtime!)? Since when do they commit just three penalties through an entire game (including overtime!)? Since when does Jay Cutler throw four touchdowns (and only one pick!) and finish with a higher QB rating than Favre?

The answer's easy: since Monday. This instant classic of a game teased Bears fans with what could have been this year.

• Cutler did miss some wide open receivers and tried to force it a few times, but he had solid protection all day and threw for over 250 yards, the aforementioned four TDs and "just" one interception.
  
• Devin Aromashodu, playing because the other Devin--Hester--was out with an injury, made us wonder again why it took this long for him to see time. He piled up 150 yards receiving on seven catches, including the game-winning 39-yard TD reception in overtime.
• The Bears won the all-important turnover battle by forcing a Favre fumble and by scooping up A.P.'s fumble in OT, which set up the Aromashodu touchdown.
  
• Though the Bears couldn't hold a 17-point lead in regulation, they remained focused and played hard in overtime, eventually getting the best of a team that had a lot more to play for.

Unfortunately, we've seen far too little of this type of effort this season. While this game may have been a small work of art in the eyes of the Bears faithful, the big picture remains the same. Congrats to everyone involved on a surprising and thrilling victory, but I hope this doesn't provide the McCaskeys with a reason to stay the course. They may have been searching for any reason at all to justify keeping Lovie and saving $11 million, and I hope this exciting victory doesn't lead them down the wrong path.

My dad wanted to write a letter to NFL Commissioner Roger Goodell asking him to cancel the game, and I couldn't blame him. As I stated in my game preview, it was frustrating to think that the Vikings got to beat up on the Bears at a crucial point in their season. Was there really a need to play the game and make us suffer through another lackluster performance? Couldn't we just alter the standings accordingly?

But thank you, Bears, for showing up and caring for once. For being disciplined, and focused, and displaying the positive characteristics that any fan has a right to expect from his/her favorite team. It took you 16 weeks to do so, but thanks nonetheless. I'm speaking specifically to the Week 16 version of the Bears when I say: I look forward to seeing you next year.

A Bears win is pretty Favre-fetched

I am not happy, and I'll tell you why.

The wheels appear to be coming off in Minnesota. Or at least, the tires have lost a significant amount of tread. Favre's calling audibles for himself against Coach Brad Childress's wishes; Childress is apparently unleashing expletive-laden tirades at Favre; and the team has lost two of three, including a blowout against Carolina.

All that makes me very, very happy. So why am I so upset? Because the Vikings get to lick their wounds against the Bears.

The fact that everything seems to be spinning out of control up north, that a circus appears to be forming in the Metrodome, is like chicken soup on a cold night--it warms me and gives me strength. Could Favre's selfishness really end up at the core of a quick playoff exit for the Vikings? (Along with a sprinkle of arrogance from Brad Childress.) The possibility makes me positively giddy.

While I was clearly wrong about them finishing 9-7, I did say prior to the season:

Will Favre be able to handle playing second fiddle to the running back all season? Can the primo primadonna of sports take the back seat? Not to mention there have already been stories about Favre not fitting in in the locker room.

But while this train appears to be coming off the tracks, it's likely to be running smoothly once again after a matchup with the Bears on Monday night. If only the Vikings could have played two respectable teams to close out the season, they might have continued to slide, and perhaps even fallen to the three (or even four!) seed. But instead, they get the woeful Bears and an opportunity to right the ship. (And yes, I realize I have referred to the Vikings as a car, a train, and a ship in this post.)

I think Lovie's probably going to be fired after the season no matter what, but a surprising win over the division-leading Vikings could do wonders for his future in Chicago. Can the Bears rise to the occasion?

KEYS TO THE GAME

Mother Nature. As of today, it's not supposed to be that bad Monday night. But it could snow Friday, Saturday and Sunday, and be in the 20s during the game. Seems likely the weather will play a role in a late December night game in Chicago.

Early momentum. The story leading into the game will be the tension between Favre and Childress and Minnesota's recent struggles. The first quarter has been a problem for the Bears all year, but if they can score first and play well early, the pressure will fall squarely on the Vikings.

That word that starts with an "I" and ends with the other team having the ball. Benjamin Franklin once said, "The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results." I'm not sure how many times I've pleaded for Cutler to cut down on the picks, but I'm not insane--while I beg Cutler to be careful with the ball, I don't actually expect it to happen.

Bulls can't seal victory, which may seal Vinny's fate

Vinny Del Negro, meet Scott Skiles.

For lunch. To get advice on how to handle getting fired right around Christmas. Because that's what's about to happen to you.

Skiles--who now coaches the Bucks, a team with a better record than the Bulls--was fired by the Bulls on Christmas Eve in 2007. Del Negro seems to be begging for the same fate to befall him. His hapless Bulls have gone 4-13 since mid-November, but just to make sure John Paxson fully understood their incompetence, they blew a 35-point third quarter lead against the sub-.500 Kings. At home.

It was the biggest comeback in the NBA since 1996. It was pathetic. Del Negro has clearly lost this team.

While the Bulls took the Celtics to seven games in one of the greatest playoff series ever played last year, they were just a 41-41 team in the regular season. And now they're 10-17 this year and getting worse. Though I'm not sure it can get any worse than Monday's performance.

Oh, and Vinny--when you have that lunch with Scott Skiles, bring Lovie with you.

And now, for some ... hockey?!!

You may have already seen/heard this, but it's pretty funny. The Florida Panthers radio announcer has a rather interesting way of calling goals.

He never ceases to amaze

Good column by Dan Wetzel on the continued arrogance and me-first attitude of the 40-year-old Vermin. (hat tip: my mom)

Those I love to hate

A decent percentage of my sports-watching time is dedicated to enjoying the failures of the players and teams that I strongly dislike. Is this sick? Perhaps. Unhealthy? Maybe. But it's part of being a sports fan. Bill Simmons calls it sports-hate.

When you watch enough sports (or more than enough, in my case), you're bound to gain an appreciation for some players, and an attendant desire to see them succeed. But the other side of that coin is that you're going to come to root against other players. Maybe a player is a thorn in the side of your favorite team; perhaps another player just rubs you the wrong way. As Simmons says, "there doesn't have to be anything rational about it." (Another important note: it's not real hate. In the end, it's all in good fun.) For the same sometimes-inexplicable reasons we come to dislike politicians, actors and TV personalities, sometimes we just want to see an athlete or team go down in flames.

On that note, the next couple of posts are dedicated to some of the people and things I've been loving to hate of late:

Notre Dame football

I've already explained some of the reasons I despise Notre Dame. And since I wrote that blog post, the fightless Irish lost to Navy, Pitt, UConn and Stanford. They get their glory from God, I get mine from watching the annual Notre Dame free fall. Glorious, indeed.

Four straight losses to end the season. A 6-6 record. And then something we all knew was coming: Charlie Weis got the axe. Despite six years remaining on that ridiculous contract that's bigger than Weis himself, Notre Dame had little choice but to can the man they so recently anointed their savior. Since Bob Davie and Ty Willingham were unceremoniously and unrightfully dispatched earlier than they should have been, Weis and his sub-Davie and sub-Willingham record had to go as well.

But here's what capped it off for me: Athletic Director Jack Swarbrick, the man who fired Weis, announced last week that Notre Dame would not participate in a bowl game despite the fact that they qualified for one. As far as I can tell, their reasons were:

1) They don't have a coach (as if none of the assistants could fill in)
2) They wouldn't get invited to a high-profile bowl (possible destinations were The Little Caesars Pizza Bowl, the EagleBank Bowl, the Humanitarian Bowl, and the GMAC Bowl)
3) Said low-profile bowl wouldn't result in a high enough payout

Waaaaah! Waaaaah! We're too good for those bowls!

The Irish can use all the practice they can get. And by that I mean a) they shouldn't be turning down an opportunity to play another game, and b) playing in a bowl game would have enabled them (from an NCAA standpoint) to hold 15 additional practices. They're too good to be in a conference, and now they're too good to play in a low-profile bowl game. For a team that's too good for just about everything, they're not very good.

Brett Favre

I've admitted that in his last years in Green Bay, I couldn't bring myself to detest Favre the way I did in years prior. He was just too damn good, and he was too likable while he was out there on the field.

But his multiple retirements and press conference histrionics put him right back into the bullseye of my sports-hate dartboard (I don't really have one of those, though it actually sounds like a pretty cool idea). He may be a football king on the field, but he's sure a drama queen off of it.

Obviously there hasn't been much to make fun of this season when it comes to Favre. But Sunday night provided a much-needed sports-hate opportunity. Needing a win to keep pace with the Saints in the race for homefield advantage, Favre and the Vikes laid an egg in Arizona. Two picks for the old man, a Cutler-like QB rating and a blowout loss.

Ahhhhhh.

If it were tangible, I would bathe in it.

An arse-kicking

Week 12: Vikings 36, Bears 10

Pretty sure either one of these guys could have beaten the Bears.

Well, for the most part, the Bears made Brett Favre beat 'em. And beat 'em he did, like Tiger Woods's wife beats rear windows.

Adrian Peterson did manage 85 yards, but he averaged just 3.4 per carry and his longest run was 15 yards. But three TDs for Brett and nearly 400 yards through the air led to another game for which "beat down" was a better description than "Bear down."

The Vikings put up 537 yards in all, the most for any team against the Bears since 1982. That's the year I was born. We just saw the worst Bears defensive performance since I was born. WOW, this defense is awful. Perhaps that's because Jerry Angelo's first round draft picks since 2001 have looked like this: David Terrell, Marc Columbo, Michael Haynes, Rex Grossman, Tommie Harris, Cedric Benson, Greg Olsen, and Chris Williams. And the other rounds don't look much better. You cannot field a consistently good team with consistently bad draft picks.

But as bad as the defense is, the offense isn't much better. For me, the Bears' offense is like God--it might exist, but I have no proof that it does. Did anyone besides me know for a fact that the Bears were going to have to resort to a field goal after Johnny Knox returned a kickoff to the Vikings' eight yard line? Why must we watch games with such justified pessimism? Why must that be our fate?

If someone would have told you three months ago that at some point this season, there would be a week in which Jay Cutler would be the fourth-best quarterback from the 2006 draft class, you probably would have put them in a headlock. But while Cutler was throwing two more picks and failing to pile up even 150 yards, two other members of the draft class were going toe-to-toe in a great battle as Matt Leinart and Vince Young went at it in a 20-17 thriller won by Tennessee. And on Thursday, Bruce Freakin' Gradkowski didn't play too poorly, either. He was even one of the four nominees for the Turkey Award Thingie. What is this world coming to?

But Cutler is leading the league in something--unfortunately, it's interceptions. You better have 10 fingers and 10 toes if you're trying to keep track of them, cuz he's now up to 20.

That's now four straight losses and six out of seven. But behold: the beauty of a home game against the Rams. Enjoy the next seven days, because there won't be many more weeks when you can look forward to what should be a Bears victory.

The battle of newly acquired quarterbacks

Both the Bears and Vikings acquired new quarterbacks in the offseason, but it's really only worked out for the Bears as Cutler has thrown for 42 more yards than Favre.

Wait, check that. Turns out that's the only statistical advantage Cutler has over The Aged One. Cutler has 15 touchdowns, Favre 21. Cutler has 18 interceptions, Favre just three. Favre has the best QB rating in the NFL, Cutler ranks 24th. I could go on, but if I do I think I'll be sick.

I'm man enough to admit when I'm wrong. From my blog, May 10:

But here's the long and short of it: Come on back, Brett! Favre led the NFL last year with 29 interceptions, and he's thrown 84 over the last four seasons. He got hurt near the end of last season (hence Minnesota wondering if he needs major surgery) and the Jets fell apart down the stretch, going 1-4 and missing the playoffs. Sure he's a legend, but a 40-year-old interception prone quarterback coming off an injury? If I were allowed to pick a division to put him in, I'd go with the NFC North. Tillman and Vasher, get to work developing your post-interception dances, cuz you're gonna need plenty of them.

I guess being on a team with Adrian Peterson and a top ten defense in points allowed is a slightly better situation than a team with Thomas Jones and a below average defense. But give Brett some credit. He has played exceptionally well and has the Vikings rolling at 9-1.

Maybe this is just wishful thinking on my part, but we do still have 37% of the season ahead of us. It was the stretch run last year when things went awry for Favre, so it's a little early to crown his ass. But through 10 games, he sure hasn't been who I thought he was.

And that makes me awfully scared of this Sunday's affair. The Vikings have a balanced offense and a stifling defense. They also have yet to lose at home (5-0). The Bears struggle against both the run and the pass, and they're a pathetic 1-4 on the road. This game has been rated "B" for blowout, and may not be suitable for children.

KEYS TO THE GAME

Orlando Pace vs. Jared Allen. Allen is second in the league in sacks, and going up against Pace might be all it takes for him to take the lead. Allen is a crazed, mulleted, real-life Viking while Pace is an aging, overpaid invitation to sack the quarterback. The Bears may want to run some screens his way to help offset the penetration he's likely to get.

Visanthe Shiancoe in the red zone. The tight end is fourth on the team in receiving yards but leads the Vikes with seven touchdowns. Favre loves to look his way near the goal line.

Contain Adrian Peterson. It is possible, though not normally for the Bears. A.P. has averaged 138 yards/game against Chicago in his career, but has been held under four yards per carry four times this season, and has been limited in practice this week due to an ankle injury. Obviously, Favre can do his share of damage as well, but you still have to make him beat you by focusing on Peterson, perhaps the best player in football.

Get Cutler goin'. I have of course been a huge proponent of a balanced offense, keeping Forte in the game plan to keep defenses honest. But Minnesota is third in the NFL in run defense and just 21st in pass defense. Lovie absurdly claimed last week that the Bears are still a running team, but he knows as well as the rest of us that they're not. This is the week for Cutler to get his arm screwed on straight and lead the Bears the way we hoped he would when Angelo traded for him.

Where'd he come from?

QB Brett Favre, Southern Mississippi
RB Adrian Peterson, Oklahoma
WR Greg Lewis, Illinois
WR Sidney Rice, South Carolina
G Steve Hutchinson, Michigan
DE Jared Allen, Idaho State

Are you really allowed to dump the water cooler on your coach when you're 1-7?

"Win #1! Win #1!"

All the Rams needed to do to get their first win in over a year was do what everyone else does--play the Lions!

Maybe it's mean of me, but with the Rams falling just two losses shy of tying the Lions' streak of 19 straight, I'm actually sad that they'll never get credit for having been so God-awful over the last couple years. Only the Lions' simultaneous suckiness and the fact that the Rams' streak covered two seasons (as opposed to going 0-16 in a single season) allowed them to fly under the media's Repulsiveness Radar.

Fish Fun

I don't know about you, but I'm having a lot of fun watching the Dolphins this year. Sure, they're only 3-4, but they've won three of their last four and also gave the Saints their only real scare to this point in the season.

When the year began, I thought the Wildcat offense was lame and shortsighted. Sure, you might catch someone off guard with it, but is that really your plan for the whole season? Really?

Really. The Dolphins rush for 170 yards a game. Ronnie Brown and Ricky Williams both rank in the top 20 in the league in rushing yards. And Coach Tony Sparano has added plenty of wrinkles to the Wildcat to keep opposing coaches on their toes.

This week's game against the Patriots will likely reveal whether Miami has any staying power whatsoever, but either way, I think they're one of the more enjoyable teams to watch on Sundays.

7th Heaven

But no team is more entertaining than the 7-0 New Orleans Saints. They lead the league with 427 yards/game, which has helped them put up Arena Football-like scores of 48, 48, 46, 45, and 35. In their other two games, they put up measly totals of 27 and 24. How about this--they lead the NFL in points despite the fact that eight of the thirty-two teams have played one more game than they have.

Packer backer?

No, I'm certainly not a Green Bay supporter, but I almost feel a little bad for their fans. I mean, Favre has ripped their collective heart out, thrown it to the ground and stomped all over it (while wearing spikes). For all you mid-90s Bulls fans out there, can you imagine if Michael Jordan had retired, come back to play for the Pistons, and then proceeded to juke, dunk and defend his way to crushing victories over the Bulls, all while jumping around with his hands in the air like a happy little schoolgirl? It's almost too painful to even let the image float through your mind, but Packers fans have had to watch it in real life.

Are you ready for some Brett Favre, a Monday night Brett Favre?!

I watched most of the Packers-Vikings game last night, and here's how the announcing went:

"Brett Favre passes deep down the right sideline for Brett Favre, and it's caught for a Brett Favre touchdown!"

"Run off the left edge by Brett Favre, and he breaks free after a great block by Brett Favre!"

"I didn't know love until I saw Brett Favre play football."

Jeesh.

I'm not going to sound foolish by saying Brett Favre sucks, or that he doesn't deserve praise for his ability and accomplishments. But you'd have thought he was the only guy on the field. It never ends! "He's a legend, he's unbelievable, his performances are literally beyond what the human mind can conceive." The worst part is, the Vikings have two more primetime games in Weeks 15 and 16 (unless NBC "flexes" them into any additional Sunday night games).

The Vikings looked good all around on Monday night, and joined the Giants, Colts, Broncos and Saints at 4-0. And if the Packers don't do something about their offensive line (Rodgers was sacked eight times last night), they're not going anywhere.

Bear Down!

Week 3: Bears 25, Seahawks 19


Jerry Angelo traded for Jay Cutler for one reason: he thought his arm could turn potential L's into W's. And sure enough, for the second straight week, Cutler orchestrated a fourth quarter comeback victory.

There's a word for what Cutler and the Bears displayed against the Seahawks on Sunday: moxie. They trailed 13-0. They were on the road in one of the toughest venues in the NFL. They lost Hunter Hillenmeyer for much of the game. But they outscored Seattle 25-9 in the final three quarters to move to 2-1 on the season.

Cutler threw an interception early in the game, but found Greg Olsen, Johnny Knox and Devin Hester on separate occasions to finish with three touchdowns and a QB rating of 126.4. Four different receivers caught at least four passes as Cutler spread the wealth en route to a 21/27, 247-yard performance. And it didn't hurt that for the second straight week, the Bears saw the opposing kicker miss two makeable field goals.

Early on, it looked like the the only good thing to come out of the game would be the fact that the Bears were a day closer to playing the Lions next Sunday (congrats to Detroit on their first win since December of '07, but make no mistake: they beat a terrible team that will likely see a coaching change before Halloween, though what they really need is a change in ownership). In the first quarter, the Bears had no tackling, as they allowed Julius Jones to sprint down the sideline for a 39-yard touchdown. They had no pressure, as they allowed Seneca Wallace to get comfortable in the pocket and look like a real quarterback. They had no holes for Matt Forte, as the running game once again failed to gain any traction.

Actually, the Bears never did fix that last problem. Can we now officially worry about the running game? Forte had 66 yards on 21 carries, an average of 3.1 yards. After averaging over 75 yards per game last year, Forte is averaging just 50 per game this season. More worrisome is the fact that Seattle came into yesterday's contest ranked 31st in the league in run defense, but the Bears had virtually no success on the ground ... again. Cutler and the receivers have beared down and put up a fight with a might so fearlessly through three games, but the Bears will need to introduce some balance at some point if they want to keep winning football games.

But the defense and the passing game were enough for them to chalk up a win yesterday, as Cutler hooked up with Devin Hester for the game-winning TD with under two minutes to go. It is believed to be the first tackle Hester has broken as a wide receiver, and he had a great day overall with five total catches for 76 yards. Cutler has now had three opportunities in three games to lead game-winning drives, and twice he's succeeded. No doubt Jerry Angelo is patting himself on the back, and rightfully so.

But this is all incidental. The fact is, we all knew the Seahawks were going to lose the moment they came out of the locker room wearing those hideous uniforms that remind you of your grandma's kitchen. Who was responsible for the Uniforms Gone Wild? Why would they wear those? Why oh why oh why would they wear those?

Earlier in the day, it looked like the Bears would have a chance to tie the Vikings atop the division, but Brett Favre waved his evil, magic wand and pulled off a miraculous last-second victory over the Niners. But the Bears have not only survived the first three weeks of the season--they've posted victories against two tough teams, and will now be rewarded with a home game against the Lions and a guarantee that either the Packers or Vikings will lose--they'll do battle next Monday night.

I must mention that I was in Washington, D.C. for yesterday's game, and I was able to catch the action at one of the greatest places on Earth. Beth Dennis tipped me off to the Billy Goat Tavern in downtown D.C., and it was an absolute blast for reasons including, but not limited to:

1) There were no fewer than 30 jersey-wearing, Bears-obsessed fans on hand.

2) I had a delicious cheezborger.

3) Free shots for all after any Bears score. We'd all get our shots, hoist them in the air and say "Daaaaaaa Bears," and then slug them back.

4) Bartender Mike gave me two of my beers for free. Not sure why, but I wasn't going to ask questions.

5) "Bear Down, Chicago Bears" was blasted over the speakers after every score.

Yeah, it was freakin' awesome. Thank you, Beth, and thank you, Billy Goat Tavern!

Side note: People who live in the nation's capital have no idea where anything is. Three separate people (whom I first confirmed lived in the area) did not know which way east was, and no one could tell me how to get to my destinations without the help of a fancy phone's map function. Keep in mind that each time I asked, I was within one mile of my destination. They couldn't even tell me where the street was, or which direction it might be. This, my directionally challenged friends, is why you are taxed without representation.

A predilection for prediction

While Sports Illustrated picked the Bears to win the NFC North and go to the Super Bowl, ESPN has no such love for da Bears. Just one of their 16 experts picked them to win the division, and just two others picked them to grab a Wild Card spot.

Minnesota and Green Bay share ESPN's adoration pretty equally, and while I don't fault them too much for respecting their respective rosters, the Bears' near-complete absence from their predictions seems a bit odd.

SI seems too hot on the Bears, ESPN too cold. No doubt my prediction will be juuuuust right.

The Bears finished 9-7 last year, and choked in the season's final game against the Texans with a playoff spot on the line. The Vikes won the division with a 10-6 record while the Packers went 6-10 and pulled up the rear in what essentially turned out to be a three-team division and will be once again in 2009.

Minnesota

The Vikings return the core of last year's 6th ranked defense, including the "Williams Wall" of Pat and Kevin Williams, who still have not served their respective four-game suspensions. In fact, it looks unlikely that the legal proceedings will be completed during the 2009 season.

Ranked 25th in passing last year, the Vikings have gotten stronger at the QB position with the addition of some guy named Brett Favre. Like the Bears, they lack a true #1 wide receiver with Bernard Berrian, Sidney Rice and Bobby Wade running routes for the 40-year-old vermin.

They do, however, have the best running back in the league in Adrian Peterson. But therein lies the problem: Will Favre be able to handle playing second fiddle to the running back all season? Can the primo primadonna of sports take the back seat? Not to mention there have already been stories about Favre not fitting in in the locker room. Things could get interesting when Favre--the QB with the most interceptions of all time--puts the ball in the hands of the defense a few too many times down the stretch. You'll recall that his Jets went 1-4 in their final five games last year, with Favre throwing nine interceptions during that stretch.

Prediction: 9-7

Green Bay

The Packers had the 8th best offense in the league last year, but were done in partly by their 20th ranked defense and mostly by suffering seven losses by four points or less. They made a bold move by moving to the 3-4 defense this season, and return most of the key players on both sides of the ball.

They figure to be able to light up the scoreboard with aaron Rodgers, Donald Driver, Ryan Grant, et al. It remains to be seen whether their new defensive scheme will be an overdue adjustment or a misguided misuse of personnel. Aaron Kampman, formerly a defensive lineman, will now be the fourth linebacker. Force him to cover a speedy tight end (cough Greg Olsen cough) and you might be able to exploit their D.

Prediction: 10-6

Chicago

And now to the Bears. While Brett Favre's return has drawn more attention than the health care debate, the quarterback garnering the second most headlines this summer was Jay Cutler. As time went on, rumors of his prowess became exaggerated, like a senior citizen telling the story of when he singlehandedly won the state championship 60 years earlier: "I heard he once threw three touchdowns in a game ... with his left hand." "I heard he stopped eating anything yellow or green once he was traded to the Bears." "I heard he agreed to build the Olympic Village all by himself if Chicago gets the bid."

The Vanderbilt grad has played just two full seasons in the NFL, and his passer rating ranked 16th of 32 last year. Dan Marino he is not. However, he did throw 25 touchdown passes and finished third in passing yards. Cutler is young, his stock is rising, and given that Bears fans have dealt with a conspicuous lack of talent at this unfamiliar position known as the "quarterback" for the past few decades, fans have every right to be excited.

Plus, when Cutler's not slinging the ball downfield, he'll be handing off to 1,000-yard rusher Matt Forte. And having Adrian Peterson to put in there every so often is just fine with me--Peterson averaged 5.0 yards per carry last year and has averaged 4.1 for his career; Forte averaged 3.9 last year.

But lo, that receiving corps. Greg Olsen should have a great year at tight end, but I can't help but worry about a group of wideouts led by a guy who's never caught a pass in the NFL (Earl Bennett) and return man turned cornerback turned return man turned receiver Devin Hester. The first few games might be a bit of an experiment when it comes to the passing game, and if Aromashodu, Knox, Davis or Iglesias steps up big at some point, they could find themselves in the starting lineup pretty quickly.

Worries aside, the Bears are all but guaranteed to improve upon their 26th ranked offense from a year ago. They should be able to keep opposing defenses on their heels a bit more by staying out of predictable patterns such as always running on first down or always running on third and short (I refer you to Cutler's play action bullet to Desmond Clark on third-and-1 against the Broncos). And the offense should be able to move the sticks even when they can't score points, keeping the defense off the field more than they did last year when they ranked 28th in time of possession.

Speaking of the defense, they get the lion's share of my concern. They ranked in the bottom third of the league last year, and with Tillman coming off back surgery, Kevin "Missed Tackle" Payne at strong safety, and a very similar-looking defensive line as the one that invited opposing quarterbacks to enjoy a sandwich and a cold glass of milk before throwing the ball last year, you can see why I'm concerned.

The Bears had just 28 sacks last year, less than half that of the league leader, Dallas. Ogunleye needs to live up to his contract, Tommie Harris needs to get back into form, and the rest of the line needs to produce more pressure for the Bears to win.

And last, but not necessarily least: special teams. Hester looked more decisive on his preseason punt returns, and while the Bears garnered the advantage of teams kicking away from him last year, they need Hester to prove he's still an explosive threat in the return game this year in order to maintain that advantage.

Robbie Gould and his 90% success rate return this year, and there's no reason to believe he won't continue his solid footwork this season.

All in all, the Bears seem markedly improved on offense, but not to the point that they'll be one of the elite groups in the league. There's certainly room for improvement on defense if Urlacher is in fact significantly healthier than last year and the defensive line can create a little more havoc than they did a year ago, but on paper, they seem pretty similar. And their special teams could improve if Hester runs upfield instead of sideways on punt returns.

Prediction: 10-6, Wild Card berth

Death, taxes, and Brett Favre being a drama queen

Can anyone really be surprised that Brett Favre is coming back to the NFL?

After months of "I don't know"s and "We'll see"s, and just weeks after "No, I'm staying retired," we now have "I'm back."

In one of my first ever blog posts, I talked about how I (rather unexpectedly) came to appreciate Brett Favre in what seemed to be the last couple years of his career. However, his faux retirement from the Packers and ensuing stint with the Jets made him seem fake and calculated off the field, a far cry from the raw, emotional quarterback he's always been on the field.

When he delivered a supposedly heartfelt and sincere speech announcing his official retirement this past February, it got me choked up--from the vomit in my throat. I would have put money on him coming back to the NFL this season. And lo and behold, after forcing sports fans to endure SportsCenter stories about him every freakin' week since about May, after supposedly thinking things through and finally, ultimately, conclusively deciding that he was walking away from football, here we are: Brett Favre is a Viking.

And know this: my anger is not founded on bitterness or frustration over the fact that Favre is back in the Bears' division. In fact, I'm glad he's back. You know what he led the league in last year? Interceptions. 22 of them. And 10 fumbles to boot. He had a passer rating of 81, good for 21st in the NFL. And he's gonna hit the big four-oh in October. And he missed the first several weeks of training camp. I'm sick of Brett Favre's drama, but as a Bears fan, I say welcome to the black and blue division, pal.

I always look forward to the clashes with the Packers more than any other games on the Bears' schedule. But this year, the games with the Vikings will be a very, very close second. I hope Brian Urlacher et al knock the gray hair right off that little drama queen head of his, and I hope they inflict so much pain on him that he'll have no choice but to retire right then and there.

For good.

You can't spell "interminable career" without "I-N-T"

As I said here, you simply can't believe Brett Favre is retired until all 32 teams have played a game and Favre has not suited up for any of them. After officially retiring for the second time this February, Favre is now in talks with the Vikings and might come back to play for them. I don't even know what the real story is at this point--first he was considering coming out of retirement, then he supposedly told Vikings coach Brad Childress he wanted to remain retired, and now he will reportedly play for them as long as his shoulder doesn't require "major" surgery.

Can anyone truly say they're shocked by these developments? This is what Brett Favre does. Why is it that some of the toughest, manliest athletes in the world are also the biggest drama queens? Why do people like Roger Clemens and Brett Favre lack the ability to anticipate how they might feel a few months down the road?

Now, I want to point out that I don't think these wishy-washy athletes tarnish their legacies by coming back to the game. The fact that Jordan came back to play for Washington for a couple years doesn't affect my opinion of him as a player even the tiniest bit. I don't look at Clemens', Jordan's or Favre's numbers any differently, I just think less of them for being insincere in their dramatic news conference retirements.

But here's the long and short of it: Come on back, Brett! Favre led the NFL last year with 29 interceptions, and he's thrown 84 over the last four seasons. He got hurt near the end of last season (hence Minnesota wondering if he needs major surgery) and the Jets fell apart down the stretch, going 1-4 and missing the playoffs. Sure he's a legend, but a 40-year-old interception prone quarterback coming off an injury? If I were allowed to pick a division to put him in, I'd go with the NFC North. Tillman and Vasher, get to work developing your post-interception dances, cuz you're gonna need plenty of them.

Granted, Favre is a step up over Tarvaris Jackson and Sage Rosenfels, but as a Bears fan, I have absolutely no problem seeing #4 standing behind center when the Bears take on the Vikings. I don't want the drama of yet another season with post-retirement Favre, but I wouldn't mind the excitement of two Bears victories over Minnesota.

Cubs notes
The Cubs will be without Aramis Ramirez for about four to six weeks. Ryan Freel takes his place on the roster, and Bobby Scales started at third base Saturday.

This hurts, but the Cubs can deal with the loss if they can continue to get strong pitching and get some sort of contributions from guys like Bradley, Lee and Soto, who have done next-to-nothing to this point. The Cubs are two games over .500 despite minimal offensive contributions from several of their key players. Hopefully this injury will only cost them a few wins over the next month or two, and the Cubs can still be right in the thick of it when Ramirez returns.

MLB notes
-I was shocked to see that Evan Longoria's five RBI Saturday gave him 44 for the season. He's on pace to drive in 222 runs. Plus, Longoria's teammate Carlos Pena has 32 RBI--the two of them are on pace to drive in 380 runs this year, which would shatter the record of 347 set by Lou Gehrig and Babe Ruth in 1931. The duo is 1-3 in the majors in RBI and 1-2 in HR (with Longoria first in RBI and second in HR).

(hat tip: Baseball Musings)

-Did you hear Bob Brenly pull a Steve Stone on Saturday? Micah Hoffpauir stepped up to the plate in the 5th, and Brenly said, "I don't do this very often, but I think Hoffpauir's going to hit one a long way right here." And on the first pitch he saw, Hoffpauir launched one out to right center. Great job, Micah; but even greater job, Bob Brenly.

Re-retiring

Brett Favre will reportedly tell the Jets he plans to retire (click post title for ESPN story). First of all, talk to me in September. If he's still retired when the season starts, then I'll believe it.

Favre is probably the only Chicago rival I've ever come to like a little bit. Every blue and orange bone in my body hated him for years as he continuously picked apart the Bears, year after year, making ridiculous throws that should be reserved for the backyard; refusing to ever provide hope to his division rivals by missing at least one--just one!!--freakin' game; admitting to an addiction to painkillers; winning a Super Bowl; and defining the Bears chief rival for 16 years.

But he played with so much damn heart and joy, and the Bears actually enjoyed some success in the early-mid part of this decade despite him, that I had to admit: I kind of liked watching him play. He is an NFL icon, and every time I watched him jump up and down after each and every touchdown pass as if it were his first, I just couldn't stay mad at him.

But then he discussed retirement every single year, a la Roger Clemens, and then finally retired, and then tried to pressure the Packers into letting him come back, even though the organization had already tried to move on. Early in his career, given all his success, his unbridled joy often came off to a Packer-hater like me as egotistical, and his decision to un-retire just months after retiring smacked of the same thing.

It was his realness that made me like him for a while. He seemed to genuinely love every moment on the field. When he kept feigning retirement, and then un-retired, he seemed fake and calculated. Today he said he's going to retire: it better be for real.