Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Area man can't stop having fantasies about his fantasy team

From the Wait 'til this Year Humor Vault

CEDAR RAPIDS, Iowa--According to family, friends and co-workers, Joe Harrison just can't seem to stop fantasizing about his fantasy football team. At home, at work, at the store, "any place you can think of," he's drifted off into fantasy land while there.

"He's always just staring off into space, saying the names of NFL players under his breath," said co-worker April Brandt. "You'll look over during a meeting and he'll be staring into the distance with his eyes only half-open, going, 'Manning ... Johnson ... Gostkowski ...' real quietly. It's really inappropriate."

Harrison's wife Marsha said they've had two near-death experiences as Harrison has nearly driven into oncoming traffic while thinking about an upcoming Monday Night Football game that had huge implications for his fantasy week.

"This week it was because I knew I could beat my buddy Sam if Rashard Mendenhall could just get me eight points," Harrison said. "I was driving along, and I started thinking about him taking one to the end zone. Maybe right up the middle from the goal line. Or busting one outside from 30 or 40 yards out. Or perhaps ..." Harrison trailed off and looked off into the distance.

Ironically, Harrison's inability to focus on the task at hand has even affected his fantasy team in a negative fashion. In Week 5, he failed to replace receiver Marques Colston (whose team had a bye) in his lineup because while sitting at his computer preparing to switch him out for Nate Burleson, he began fantasizing about the points Burleson would rack up against the Jaguars' defense. Harrison was still fantasizing when the clock switched to noon and the rosters were locked. Burleson scored two touchdowns; Harrison's fantasy team lost by 11.

He later added: "No (awkward laugh), of course I don't fantasize about my fantasy football team while making love to my wife. (Awkward laugh.) No way. I would never do that ..."

1 comment:

  1. I had no idea fantasy football could be so dangerous. Glad I don't participate - I'm delusional enough as it is.