Friday, March 26, 2010

Stupid Pirates fans go into yet another season with unjustified hope

From the Wait 'til this Year Humor Vault

Pirates fans seem to forget the reality of their team's suckitude every March.

PITTSBURGH--In a ridiculous display of naivete, many Pittsburgh Pirates fans actually have some hope for a successful Pirates season in 2010. Despite 17 straight losing seasons, the Pirates faithful truly believe this could be the year.

"We have Zach Duke, Ronny Cedeno, Brandon Moss ... the list goes on and on," said idiot fan Lenny Markin. "We're really primed for a run this season, I can feel it. I can feel it in my bones."

"When Opening Day comes, we have the same record as everyone else," said obviously brain dead fan Jessica Hoover. "Bring on the Yankees, baby!"

Local Phillies fan Matt Bachner said nothing angers him more than the annual appearance of completely inexplicable hope displayed by friends and colleagues.

"It just goes to show you how much of a sucker most people are. The team makes a couple moves in the offseason, fans forget about the debacle of a season that ended six months ago, and they buy right back in. They're idiots. IDIOTS!" he yelled as he pushed an unsuspecting elderly woman who was walking by with a Pirates jacket on.

"There are fans that actually think we're going to be good?" said Pirates manager John Russell. "That's ri-goddamn-diculous," he said with a laugh. After the laughing continued for over a minute, the reporter walked away and the interview ended awkwardly.


  1. I find this funny not because of its wit or its satire. I find it funny because it comes from a Cubs fan.

  2. I logged in just now thinking, "I bet Tyler will have commented on this post and the fact that it could have just as easily been written about Cubs fans." Well done, sir.

  3. But - surely there's a difference between a die hard Cubs fan and a Pirates fan .. isn't there?