Wednesday, April 22, 2009

ESPN analyst completely misunderstands job description, mocks draft on live TV

From the Wait 'til this Year Humor Vault

BRISTOL, CT--ESPN issued an apology Wednesday in light of Tuesday's awkward "Live NFL Draft Preview Special," on which newly hired Dale Harris continuously mocked the NFL Draft rather than presenting a mock draft.

"Oh, I can't wait to find out who's going to get picked first," said Harris, his voice dripping with sarcasm. "I'm sure whoever it is will make the Lions a great team. They're just one player away from the Super Bowl."

Later, Harris added: "And what is the deal with this thing taking two days? Does NFL Draft stand for Needlessly Freakin' Long Draft? I mean, cooome oooon. You gotta be a real loser to sit and watch hours of Roger Goodell announcing players' names every 10 minutes."

The live special, which was scheduled to run two hours, ended after just 25 minutes when Harris and a seething Mel Kiper, Jr. began shoving each other. Kiper, Jr. eventually gained the upper hand, shoving Harris into his famed "big board." The names of highly touted potential draft picks went flying into the air and became scattered around the studio, effectively ruining everything the show had managed to accomplish to that point. Luckily for Harris, he was wearing an oversized Bengals helmet when the fight began--he apparently felt it was an appropriate prop to augment his rant mocking recent Bengals draft picks, a rant that ended abruptly when Kiper, Jr. suddenly stormed in from off-camera and engaged in the aforementioned fisticuffs.


  1. I just laughed my ass off. Where did this come from? Is this an Onion article?

  2. Well Done! But you have to mention Mel Kiper's hair!

  3. Please tell me where I can acquire an oversized Bengals helmet. I'm looking for something to spice up my wardrobe for work functions.

  4. It's not from the Onion--just my crazy head. Glad you enjoyed it!

  5. wow...fantastic. you had me fooled. well-played, good sir!