Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Jerry Jones wants to be more involved, will play tight end and free safety for remainder of season

From the Wait 'til this Year Humor Vault

Jerry Jones, shown here practicing his ass patting.

DALLAS--Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones, possibly the most involved owner in the history of sports, has gotten the itch to be even more involved with his team. For this reason, he announced on Wednesday that he plans to play both tight end and free safety for the remainder of this season, and possibly beyond.

"I've always taken a very active role with this organization," said Jones. "But it's time to get serious. Standing on the sideline during games? Giving injury updates to the media? That stuff's for pansies. I'm ready to really get involved. Gimme some pads, motherf**kers!!"

While Jones did play college football, he is now 67 years old. But if he's known for anything, it's for being a crazy son of a bitch. When asked if this might be a slightly selfish decision not in the best interest of the team, Jones simply put on a cowboy hat (not a Cowboys hat, a cowboy hat) and said "Yee-ha!" When the reporter followed up by asking if Jones really believes he can keep up on the field, Jones shot a pistol into the air and told the reporter he was fired.

Jones added that he might try kicking a field goal as well, but only if it's a game-winning field goal as time expires.

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