New Jersey Nets change name to more accurate New Jersey Rims

From the Wait 'til this Year Humor Vault

Nets President Rod Thorn, shown here looking as depressed as every other Nets, er, Rims, fan.

NEW JERSEY--The New Jersey Nets announced on Tuesday that they will change their mascot to the Rims to more accurately reflect the typical destination of their players' shots. The team has opened the season with 17 straight losses, and their inability to put the ball through the net has made their moniker laughably ironic.

"We're so bad at shooting, and yet our name was the Nets," said Team President Rod Thorn. "It's like calling the Browns the Goal Line Crossers. We put Jarvis Hayes in there one time and he literally shot the ball at our mascot. That's as close as we usually get to putting it in the net. At least now our name reflects what we're all about; I think that's a step forward."

Thorn added that while looking over his players' statistics, specifically those of Courtney Lee, he considered changing the name to the Backboards or even the Airballs. Also on the table were the names Suckmonkeys and Asshats.